Just Wondering

1. What do you do to make winter blahs less blah-y? My two major tricks (rearranging furniture and getting a haircut) have been done and it's only February. IT'S ONLY FEBRUARY! Seriously, I might not survive this winter without gnawing off my own paws b/c they are NEVER WARM. This is an artic hell hole, HELL HOLE, I say.

2. Did you have really bad nausea when you were pregnant? What did you do that helped? (I am asking for a friend, because while sex is a completely wonderful "keeping warm" activity, it hopefully will not result in procreating for my family.)

3. Do you have an "apple"? (As in "of your eye".) Pammy asked this at work awhile back, and I've been wanting to ask you about it since. Look, I know a mother's love is equal and each child (pet) has his or her own special place, but do you have one child(pet) that makes you especially gooey? I'm not sure if I do. Until recently, I would have said Marin, but I'm not sure if that's because I love babies so much, or if she's really my apple. And now that she's decided she's a toddler, well. Around here, the jury is still out.

P.S. Blogger, you stupid jerk, you can stop laughing now and turn spell check back on. Seriously, we all get your point.

And So It Went

So, I shrugged off my crabby pants and hit the caucus, and I'm so glad I did. I WAS considering going only long enough to cast my vote, but at the last minute decided to stay for the whole caucusing process.

Caucusing = boring, weird, funny, fun, confusing, tiring, inspiring, and patriotic. Also: I got to brush up on my Madd Robert's Rules of Order Skillz. Rawr!

Obama won for our county by 8 votes.

I'm a delegate to the County Caucus. I was not in that room for ONE MINUTE before getting sucked back into the local Dems. (This is good and bad, but mostly good, I think.)

+++++++++++

David and I met 9 years ago on February 6th. We immediately connected and started dating. Since our "anniversary" is so close to Valentine's day, we celebrate it instead. David brought home tulips, and we watched the movie Once (oh, so good). And we are going on a real live date on Saturday, just the two of us. You guys, 9 years seems like forever. We are too YOUNG to have met 9 years ago.

Other good movies I've seen lately: Jesus Camp (we were rivited) and The Waitress (this was just perfect). Also, I'm going to be buying the soundtrack for Once. *pitter-patter*

P.S. Is Blogger EVER going to fix spell check??

Super Tuesday/Fat Tuesday

It's Fat Tuesday- mmm jambalaya and corn bread.

I am caucusing for Obama. [Edited to add link- awesome link.]

I just hope he doesn't get assassinated.

Last night work was funny, but also frustrating.

I was having a hard time keeping it together.

My dear friend is moving.

Sad.

Also, someone that I struggle with was in FINE FORM.

FRUSTRATING.

I may never get to have a nomal, vaginal delivery.

Sucks.

(We may not even have another child, but still, sucks.)

My baby has turned into a toddler- SUDDENLY- and I miss my baby.

My toddler is annoying as hell.

Also, cute.

Also, loud- so, so, loud.

So far, this Tuesday has not been Super at all.

Bleh.

Are you caucusing?

I'd love to hear who you are rooting for.

Also

If Linda doesn't post some pictures soon, I'm going to get rigor mortis in my trigger-finger from it freezing to death while hitting "refresh" over and over.

Have I mentioned my office is cold?

What is she going to name that baby? WHAT?

If anyone knows anything, PLEASE let me know.

(Also. I hope she's having a wonderful and lovely day and not worrying one bit about us. Because one shouldn't have to worry about the internets while giving birth. So don't tell her I sat around all day drumming my fingers, ok? I mean, unless she asks. And then just tell her I was politely anxious and ...fucking going insane. Or something.)

Sleep Update and Laura Links

So a few of you have been so kind to ask me about our sleeping situation since Marin got tubes in her ears. I figure since you've been so kind as to put up with all of our sleep drama for so long, it's only fair that I tell you how tubes have affected our lives.

So, currently, Marin's sleeping has... wait for it... remained the same.

*Sigh*

She still is up fairly often at night- and still winds up in our bed by morning, and I'm still nursing her overnight because Dude, what else do I do?

It's nice to know she's not in any pain anymore (though we DID have a stretch where I could have SWORN she had an ear infection, but had none of the tell-tale drainage of an ear-infection-with-tubes). But after a few nights of getting up, like, every 45 minutes (and I'm not even kidding), she's back to her normal routine.

I try not to think much about her/our sleeping situation, because if I do it stresses me out. It stresses me out AND it doesn't solve anything.

She does go to sleep now in her crib instead of us rocking her, and she is nursing LESS overall (I think, anyway, though I have no substantial evidence to back that up...)

So there you have it. And now, some Little House on the Prairie/Laura Ingalls Wilder links:

This is a wikipedia link that has some great factual information about the REAL Laura. Like, did you know that there really WAS a baby brother that died? Though he died at 9 months, and not as a newborn like he did on the show.

Here is a link to Melissa Gilbert's wikipedia page- with lots of information about what she did after LHOTP. The kid who played Willie Olson? His name is Jonathon Gilbert, as in Laura's brother in real life.

For a list of the cast of characters, and more links to their websites and information of where they are now, click here.

Click on over to see Melissa Gilbert's official website- where you will find Q&A, lots of photos in the photo gallery from her LHOTP days. Also, the only person she stayed in regular contact with after the show was Alison Arngrim- the actress who played Nellie Olson! (BTW, she now does stand up.)

Melissa Gilbert's myspace page!

Alison Arngrim's myspace page.

Lindsey and Sidney Greenbush's (the twins who played Carrie) myspace page. Also their official website. I was shocked to realize that little Carrie was OLDER than I was! When I watched the show (already in reruns), I always thought of her as the "baby".

I am a huge nerd.

The end.

(Still no spell check. *shrugs shoulders* They were going to find out sooner or later.)

It's Not Chocolate...

But this is what I can't stop eating lately:

Avocados.

I cut one in half, and using a spoon, lift out big chucks and deposit them onto a tortilla chip. (I like the organic blue chips). I eat the whole thing this way.

Every day.

Now, I can make GOOD guacamole (or Rock-a-mole, as I refer to it in my head) (heh), but it's not worth it for just me.

Also? Hmmm, how to put this?... Well let's just say, for example, if you are having problems related to eating to much brei, eating avocados will help, ah, remedy the situation.

And let's not forget about all the "good" fat. What a shiny coat and glowing completion I'll have!

Top it off with a spoonful of frosting, and that's what I call LUNCH.

Long Winter, Non-Pioneer Style

First, some pictures:

Baby-in-a-johnny

Keeping the girl happy while we waited and waited...

Static guard NOT included.



Princess Kate, feeling a bit overwhelmed by everyone singing to her.

Princess Joan's M&M bliss.

So, with the girls' birthday done and over with, the winter stretches out forever. (They had a princess/super-hero party, which was espeically a hit with all the little princesses they invited. GAG! Can you believe I had a princess party for my kids? Once again: Standards Revised For the Sake of the Children.) But back to the Long Winter...

Laura Ingalls Wilder comes to mind, over and over. Could it be because the girls received season 1 and 2 of Little House on the Prairie for their birthday? Or is it Swistle's mention of wanting a rope connecting the house and barn?

As the temps continue to dip and DIP, and schools are called off because it's too COLD (and this is MN people- WE LOVE US SOME WINDCHILL, so you know if they are canceling school it has to be C-O-L-D), I can't help but think about the Ingalls'- without food, the train bearing their survival necessities stuck in snow for the winter, poor blind Mary stumbling around half frozen. And then that porcupine Almonzo- hiding grain is the wall of his house and forcing Pa to go over and kick some future-son-in-law ARSE. (WHAT? YOU don't have both the Laura books and the TV show completely memorized? That is your homework. Now, go!)

As I dress myself and the kids in alternating layers of polar fleece and, well, more polar fleece, I can't help but thinking the Man Upstairs knew what he was doing when he planted me on earth after the invention of CENTRAL HEATING and treadmills and coffee-mate (specifically, toffee delight) and water heaters.

So while the wind howls and causes an alarming weird wind-caused sound to echo occasionally throughout our house, I'll sit back with some hot soup and maybe play Oregon Trail on Facebook. I may even look back on pictures of myself, at an age too embarrasing to mention, dressed in my prairie dress, with my hair in two braids, AT THE MALL, and THANK GOD that my one childhood wish- that I could be Laura- was not answered.

Becoming

Five years ago today, at 3:44 and 3:46 pm I became a mama for the first time.

I was such a mess.

I felt blessed, and relieved that they were here and healthy, and detached- as if the whole experience was happening to someone else. I was exhausted and nauseous. And above everything else, I was overwhelmed.

I wish I could have told myself then what I know now- that I would do it, that it would be hard yes, very hard, but that we would get through it. I would tell myself to tell someone how detached I was feeling, instead of just pretending everything was ok. I would take some drugs to help with the anxiety.

When I first met my twin daughters I was in awe of them. Weighing in at 4lbs 15 oz and 6lbs 2 oz, they were so tiny. I felt fiercely protective of them. I really wanted to do everything right. I went through the motions of breastfeeding, of smelling them, of kissing them, of staring into those beady newborn eyes as they fed. But inside, I was still such a mess.

For about 2 years.

That is far too long for anyone to go without help.

I would tell myself that, too. I would also educate myself on the fact that MANY drugs are safe to take while breastfeeding, and that taking something did not mean I was failing as a mommy.

We have a picture of Kate and me, when she was about 2-3 weeks old. I remember David saying "Smile" and me holding Kate's squishy tomato-head cheeks up next to my own bloated and pale face. I remember thinking to myself "You have to look like you love her."

The bonding did come. I did fall absolutely head over heals. By 1 month, I was in love, and it grew from there on. But the anxiety was still so present. I felt like I was wound too tight and that if one. tiny. thing. in my world got out of order, my whole world would FALL APART.

I felt like everyone was judging me. That no matter what, I wasn't doing it right, or doing enough, or making the best decisions. I felt like asking for help meant that I sucked at my new job. I missed my old job and my old coworkers.

Now, 5 years later, I have found my parenting feet. I comfortable with myself as a mother, with the style of parenting we've chosen, with people having different opinions about how I'm raising my children. My kids go to the store with me with messy hair, or dirty faces, and I'm ok with that. I don't feel like everything has to be perfect. I know how to let kids be kids.

Today, I even gave my baby a truffle to eat. I didn't care who saw, or what they thought. I didn't feel like I had to explain my reasoning to anyone. Because now I know that I don't have to be perfect, I don't have to let others allow me to question myself. And that a little chocolate never hurt anyone, not even a baby.

I still have so much to learn as a parent. Eee-gads-- the school years! Teenage daughters! But thanks to my husband, Treado, some great mommy-mentors, my sisters at work, my playgroup moms, and, yes, Zoloft, I am no longer overwhelmed by being Mama.

In fact, this is my element.

Happy Birthday Kate and Joan. These past 5 years, you have taught me more about love, patience, and devotion than I knew was possible. Thank you for taking me on this amazing journey.

WE ARE STILL ALIVE

And the ear tubes went well. Thanks for the emails. I've been meaning to update, but wanted to add the baby-in-a-johnny pictures, and THAT requires getting them off the camera, and THAT requires that our camera, computer, and I all be in the same room at the same time, and my life is a scavenger hunt MOST DAYS, so I couldn't FIND the camera, and well. I think you can see how things operate around here.

Yes, the ear tubes went well. We had to wait around FOREVER, but they gave us a wagon to keep the girl happy, and she charmed everyone. She has this way of sucking people into her world- it's strange for me to watch because that kind of thing has never come naturally for ME.

She flipped the flip out when she woke up, but doesn't everyone? (I feel all weepy and out of it when I wake up, and I refuse to believe this is abnormal and that I'm a freak.) Her freak out was less heartbreaking because she was so out of it- like it wasn't even her that was so unhappy. As soon as they let us leave, she zonked out in her car seat and woke much calmer.

Also, her doctor said she had tons of thick fluid behind BOTH eardrums, and that she was most likely in significant pain even when she DIDN'T have an infection. Also, that her hearing was most definitely compromised. This explains why her words for things are so... greek sounding.

David wants to know- do we get our money back if she doesn't start sleeping all night?

Hey, Did I Mention Marin Is Getting Tubes In Her Ears?

Well, she is.

Tomorrow.

My apologies to my BrinkandMortar peeps (I'm looking at YOU, Treado), for not letting you know in person. (Or did I tell you?) Just today, I left messages for my dad and grandma. Forgot to tell them too. (We've known ourselves for less than a week...)

I was happy that the ENT agreed that she needed tubes- I'm so excited to have her (hopefully) feeling better for more than a few days at a time. BUT. Today, I am also a tiny bit nervous for her. Will she scream when they wheel her away? Will they let me back with her as she's waking (and will certainly *want* me)?

Also, she's a baby, but at 15 months, she's a VERY AWARE baby.

We have to show up at 6:45 am tomorrow (as in, IN THE MORNING), so my anxieties will soon be a thing of the past...

+++++++++++

Do you guys know about Charlie and Lola? This is my favorite kids' tv show of ALL TIME. The show is about big brother Charlie (probably about age 8) and his little sister Lola (maybe 4?). The animation is artsy and different than anything I've ever seen, the kids' voices are sweet and not a bit annoying, the accents are so charming, and the story lines seem to really capture the essence of childhood.

I like that the characters are human and not animals, and that the voices are really kids' voices, and not adult actors. Every episode (that I've seen anyway) starts with Charlie in his British accent (is it British? I'm not good with accents, living here in the heartland and all) saying "I have this little sister Lola. She's small and very funny."

So far, my girls are really liking it too. It may not be their absolute favorite, but perhaps my enthusiasm will be contagious. This is the first kids show that I WANT to watch, as in- "Hey guys, can you start this episode over? I haven't seen this one before."