Down & Up and Today: Holding Steady; Also, Discussion

And... POOF. Just like that, the momentum I was building on Friday- the sense of digging out, getting somewhere- was g-o-n-e. All it took was Marin not sleeping on Friday night, and our Saturday routine was shot. David and I were both tired and crabby, our chores were looming ahead of us, and everything seemed overwhelming.

But then, we DID get things whipped into shape. And things were better again. And we got to see some great friends from out of town. Sunday was a happy day.

So today, I woke to a newly cleaned house. I got the girls dressed and fed and groomed and off to school smoothly. I made the beds. Things today have been chugging along nicely- and I feel like I CAN do this. Like I AM DOING IT.

So the question remains, why is the state of my house so indicative to the state of my mind?

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Here's what we discussed in Marin's ECFE class this morning:

What did you think parenthood would be like before you had kids of your own?

WeeeeHellll..... All of us in the class have 2 or more kids, so we are all out of the "first time parenting" phase, so this was a great topic. Here's our list:

-Our kids would never have boogery noses or messy faces.
-their clothes would always match
- they would nap every day until kindergarten
-they would not be mouthy or bratty
-they would not be dirty
-they would eat vegetables
-they would never watch t.v.
-our houses would always be bright and sunny and clean
-discipline would be easy
(there were more, but this pretty much sums it up)

We would still be there, if there were not time limits on the class. Because OH! MY! did we all have lofty ideas of parenting. It made me realize the two most important lessons in parenting 1) life is messy, therefore kids are messy and 2) we are not in control of much, especially when it comes to our children.

Also, I've come to love the parts of our life that are imperfect. I love my girls' messy hair and the baby's smelly neck. I love how ridiculous the girls look sometimes when they dress themselves. I love it that we take them places dressed this way. I love that I lost so much of my rigidity, that I've earned my stripes as a REAL mom, that I have so much mommy experience under my belt. I even fed my baby french fries for lunch yesterday.

It (almost) helps me get up the momentum to clean the high chair- AGAIN.

Give me a few more years of parenting, and I'll be throwing straw down instead of vacuuming and hosing the kids off with the yard hose instead of bathing. And you know, feeding my newborn cotton candy.

The NEW!!!! Rhythm and Hum of Things

Oh, my. All of your comments about cleaning made me feel so much better! Thank you. And I've commented on most of them. Perhaps I should have done a follow up post? Nah...

Anyway, I've realized that part of my problem lately is that we are in a state of change and transition around here, and I never do well during these times. That old saying about parenting that says as soon as you get used to your kids' routine, they change it? Well, I KNOW this to be true, but I have yet to LEARN it. Or something. Because every time it throws me.

But the twins are transitioning back into the Preschool Routine, the baby is Mobile and Into Things, and I'm still trying to go about our days like I did last month. Silly me. Now that I recognize that a New Routine is in order, the clarity of our Situation is blowing me away.

Plus, it has truly been Fall Weather here in Tiny Town (the high today is 53 degrees!), so it takes longer to do things. We need shoes AND socks to go outside. And coats. And I need to throw sweatshirts into the diaper bag. And find our warmer clothes. I was used to everyone slipping on some flip flops and hopping into the car. But there are more steps now, and now that I've realized this, I've allotted more time to get out the door.

I am so smart!

Also, the Clutter Factor has been messing with my mental health. But not anymore! This morning, I was a MACHINE. I cleaned out 3 baskets/bins of JUNK that have been accumulating stuff since Marin was born. Seriously, I threw several magazines into the recycling from last summer. Throwing/recycling that stuff lifted something off of me that I didn't realize was weighing me down. Now I'm on a roll. Watch out kids! Don't leave your stuff laying around or it will become GARBAGE.

Throwing stuff out feels sooo good!

I'm kind of high!

Also, I took some Excedrin this morning, so I'm probably ACTUALLY HIGH. Have you guys taken that stuff? It gives me a Buzzzzz like no other.

Buzz! From something over the counter! Happy!

So, to summarize: I realized that the kids are going through some changes, so I need to be flexible and develop the NEW BEAT to our days. AND I'm cleaning out the clutter. And things are looking up.

Happy Weekend!

Cleaning Standards

Ok, this may be a Boring Topic for some of you, but for me? Yeah, boring. BUT! Also, interesting. And hopefully helpful. And maybe it will pull me out of my Funk, knowing how the rest of you keep house. Because those of you that are better at it than me? Well, I'll get some ideas. And if you are more relaxed? Than maybe I'll chill a little.

So! Here's how we maintain some level of CLEAN around here.

1) Saturday mornings we spend about 2 hours cleaning. We vacuum, Swiffer the hard floors, clean the bathrooms, take out the recycling, empty the upstairs garbage cans, and (sometimes) dust. The kids help with what they can.

2) Every night, we make sure the dishes are done and the toys are picked up before we go to bed. Waking to a clean kitchen and picked up house helps my Mental Illness, I mean, State a ton.

3) I try to make the beds every day, but if I don't get to it before noon, then I skip it. This is a GREAT RULE, because it allows me to not feel bad when the beds aren't made.

4) I do laundry weekly, in one big push. It usually takes me about 2 days, but then I'm done until the next week. This works better for me than doing laundry every day... and I have less incidents of stuff getting moldy in the washer because I forgot about it. I wash our sheets as one of the last loads of laundry, and I wash the kids sheets.... less often....

5) Daily, I spend SO MUCH time making meals and snacks, and cleaning up after meals and snacks, and cleaning up the kids after meals and snacks, and cleaning the floors and high chair after meals and snacks, and on and on and on.

The thing that makes me despondent is that I spend so much time trying to keep ahead of the Health Department, and yet our house is still a DISASTER most of the time. One solution would be to turn our kitchen into a cement room with a drain in the center, and just hose everything down after eating. But other than that? No idea.

Also, this little "system" does not include any of the Extra Duties that we homeowners have. Gardening, or specifically, weeding, lawn care, clutter control (Office! Closets! Basement! Toy shelves!), organizing the kids outgrown/out-of-season clothes, bathing the children, sorting the mail, keeping the cars clean, cleaning out the garage, etc, etc, etc... We are behind on all of this, which makes me feel like I'm sinking.

The whole struggle stems from the fact that my brain emotes Happy! when things are chugging along nicely, and the house is in decent shape, and it emotes Out Of F*cking Control!!!! when things are messy. And the snowball effect of the "Out of Control" state is alarming and completely overwhelming.

Overwhelming!!!

So, how do YOU do it?

(A hired cleaning person is not in our current budget. Or it wouldn't be if David and I HAD a budget...)

Birthday

Well, his present was a little lame, and he spent the day being Mr. Mom* while I was at the hospital with a doula client... but he DID get a cake AND ice cream. And a Curious George birthday banner, taped up by a certain 4 year old. Oh, yeah, and party hats.

BUT, he had to make lunch and dinner- something I would have pouted about on my OWN birthday. And when I got home, he had vacuumed the entire main floor (again, on my birthday-HELL NO). AND he was awakened by our rowdy bunch of girlies, eager for him to read his card and open his present.

However, he doesn't possess any romantic notions about birthdays (or anything else, really), so while this wasn't his Ideal Day, I don't think he's feeling bummed or anything. He's so practical. So level. So solid. (I love this about him.) And because he was so kind and cheerful today (and also because, ahem, it's his, you know, birthday), I brought him home a loaf of extra gooey and chunky cinnamon bread, for his toasting pleasure.

So go ahead, wish him a Happy Birthday. We all know he lurks here, so he'll see it.

Happy Birthday, David. I love you!

*On a completely unrelated (to birthdays, anyway) note, we refuse to call it "babysitting" when David is home with the kids while I'm working. It's not Babysitting if the children involved are carrying around 50% of your genes; it's called parenting. Or life. And I'm a lucky lady to be married to someone who agrees with me on this.

Funk

I can't pull out of it.

I'm grouchy and depressed and my worst-mommy-side is showing. I've screeched at my poor little girls waaaaaayyyyyy too much, and they don't deserve it, and I want to explain to them, but I don't know what to explain. So I'll say I'm sorry.

There are ants. We don't know why, or where they are coming from, or what exactly they are eating. But they've taken over a portion of my kitchen. They make me feel gross.

There is much to do, just to keep my head above water. By the time I make the beds, clear the table, put the baby down for a nap, shower, do the dishes, pick up all the tiny (chokable) toys the big kids have drug out, get everyone dressed, do everyone's hair, make a snack, clean up more dishes, kill a bizillion more ants....Well, after I do all that, there are more toys out, more dishes to do, lunch to make, more messes to clean, butts to wipe, diaper pails to empty. You see where I'm going right? How is it possible that ALL of my energy and efforts go into keeping everyone and everything CLEAN, and this place is still a dump???? I do have standards, and they've been lowered a few times during this parenthood gig. I'm afraid if I lower them anymore because... well, I'm just afraid to lower them anymore.

I have to work tonight for the first time in ages (b/c we were on vacation, then the holiday Monday, etc.), so maybe that's just what I need.

Gaaaa.

Comparisons, Etc.

Isn't it fun to see how the kids grow? Here's Kate and Joan on the first day of preschool last year:


Here they are this morning, and ENTIRE YEAR later:



They look so much older to me! They are taller, with more of the "big kid" legs. And they have more hair. And their faces look so much less babyish. But hey, the rug is still as ratty as last year, and the patio just as cluttered with acorns, so some things never change!

(Also, Marin was still a fetus last year at this time. A FETUS. Crazy.)

Onto other things:

1) We have ants. Not the tiny "sugar" ants. The big black ones. They are in our kitchen, though we have not determined a food source. We see no sign of them in the basement, which was our original theory. They seem to be coming in around a outlet cover. So! Anyone know anything about ants? I would like to think that since we have a brick house, they could not be doing any structural damage, but David- always one to burst by ignorant bubble of bliss- informs me that our house is WOOD under the brick.

I'm afraid to Google them, because we all know what kinds of frightful news Mr. Google will have for me. Also, to add to the horrid-ness of it all: We've been swatting them with the flyswatter or squishing them with tissues, along with David's more vigorous attempts to exterminate them with poison. But yesterday- and this is the gross part- David squished one with his finger and it was BRIGHT RED BLOOD inside. WTF??? None of the others we've killed have had RED BLOOD. This cannot be good news.

2) I need help with what to feed Marin. She's eleven months, breastfed, and will not eat anything but YoBaby yogurt off of a spoon. This means all baby food is out. Here's a list of what I rotate through her system:

Breakfast: Cheerios or Chex, soaked in milk and strained and put on her tray OR YoBaby fruit and cereal yogurt.

Lunch/Dinner: Varies between- whole-wheat toaster waffles, toast, cheesy bread (wheat bread with shredded cheese on top, toasted in toaster oven); peaches, apples, grapes, or pears (fresh, and skinned/chopped appropriately); cheese- shredded or American; frozen peas or steamed carrots (though she doesn't eat the carrots); sometimes rice or Mac-n-chz

Snacks: Various crackers- graham or fish or saltine, any of the above foods that she hasn't yet consumed that day

In her cup: Water

So! As you can see, she has a very limited menu. She won't eat any meat, and she's at a stage where she's refusing pretty much anything but what I've listed above. Do any of you have any brilliant baby/toddler foods that I can add in here? We eat mostly fresh fruits/veggies and try to keep the processed foods to a minimum, so those Gerber "toddler meals" are not appealing to me. (Though I've tried them, and she refused them too. *Sigh*)

Any help would be appreciated!

(Also, the black-hole that is her high chair is killing me. If I have to reach my hand down in her seat one more time and dig out soggy Cheerios or sloppy wet peaches, or dried out chucks of who-knows-what, I'm going to walk out of this house and never come back. Which reminds me, I wonder if I took my vitamin Z today...)

3) David and I are on Week 4 of the C25K program. It has taken us longer than 4 weeks to get there, with vacation and busy-ness and all. And to be honest, I was dreading Week 4. It's 16- SIXTEEN- whole minutes of running! Holy Shit! But I ponied up and did it last night... and it felt great. I mean, it sucked, but it also felt great. I'm beginning to think that's a theme with running? Anyway, I was already congratulating myself halfway through the workout, because I could just FEEL that I was going to finish it.

So here are some of my concerns about running:
-I am running based on TIME and not on DISTANCE. So I'm worried that at the end of the program, while everyone else *would* be running 3 miles during that allotted time, I'll only be doing, say, 3 blocks. Because I'm not fast, people.

-But this *might* be good, because I've also been worried about what will happen when I'm "done" with the program. Programs are good for me. They keep me accountable and give me a goal. So if I'm running the right amount of time, but not yet making it 3 miles, then that can be my next goal.

-But after I've polished off 3 miles, then what? Will I have the motivation to keep running, without a program to follow? If I fall off the running wagon all together, will I ever start the C25K over again, or will that be soooo "last summer"? Basically, where is all this running and pain and crap leading to?

I'm can see now that I should just take it one week at a time, because there's still plenty of chances to mess this whole thing up...

A Top

The Beautiful Black Hills of South Dakota. One of my favorite places on earth. Check it:

Boulder Vista:

Grandma with her girls.

Sisters

Custer State Park:

Marin's Free Ride

Hiking with Grandpa

Mount Rushmore:

My Girls

Check out the rare Sunday post below!

Seven Years

David and I celebrate 7 years of marriage today. That's 2556 days, give or take depending on leap years and stuff. (This is a calculation for David- he handles the Math Issues in our relationship.)

We started as a family of two, and in 7 short- and sometimes long- years, we have grown to a family of FIVE. We have experienced the joy, miracle, and magic of welcoming each new member, as well as the bumps, bruises, and trials of becoming parents. We Survived Twins, sometimes I think we Barely Survived, but we did! We have struggled and changed and grown and reevaluated to be the parents, the couple, the people we are today.

We are different people today. We are more mature; stronger, and wiser. We have gained so much life experience in 7 years.

We are also the same. There are more layers now, and also less hair (him) and more gray hair and stretch marks (me). But beneath it all, we are young, hopeful, optimistic, crazy in love, eager to start our life together.

We were lumps of clay then. Our features were emerging, but we were mostly lumps. We have been molded: by each other, our children, our family, our friends, by God and our church and our faith, by trial and error, by learning on the fly, by success, and also by failure. By jobs and no jobs and having money and times without having money, by business deals and business partners and conflict and resolution. By facing ourselves and each other and wanting to grow and change and Become.

Those lumps of clay now have parts that are clear- our faces, perhaps. Maybe our hands. There are other parts that are taking on more shape- our family, our relationship, maybe our feet- planted more firmly than they were 7 years ago. But there are many parts that are still being molded and sculpted and drawn and redrawn. Our artists are still at work, chiseling away, tirelessly working to make us our most perfect selves. Our hearts are visible, yet changing and growing at an awesome rate.

Thank you, David, for seven years. You have transformed my life, and I cannot imagine it any other way. (Though I can imagine new living room furniture. And a fenced yard. And...)

Thank you Joan, Kate, and Marin. Thank you for challenging us, for not letting us off easy, for holding us accountable. Thank you for teaching us, for giving us room to learn, for your patience and grace and love. It was worth all the sleep loss, the fat lips from your collective fleet of bowling ball heads, the worry and frustration and endless hours of Wee Sing. Yes, you are worth having nothing but "Sally's wearing a red shirt, a red shirt, a red shirt, Sally's wearing a red shirt all day long" in my head. All the time. For you, I will not crush the CD into smithereens. Baby girls, you Rock!

Here's to seven plus seven plus seven plus seven plus eighty more years together.
(David could tell you exactly how many years that is.)

Home

Wellllll, I clearly needed to get that off my chest yesterday. I feel much better! And also, I am no longer fantasizing about kicking soccer balls into my dad's head. Progress!

We got home Tuesday night around midnight. I'd say that the length of our trip was about right- we were there 12 days- enough time to do all of the things we wanted to do and see all of the people we wanted to see.

Usually when we visit my family, David mopes around saying he's bored. He was very trepiditious of spending so much time there on this trip. I instituted the "Schedule of Fun"- a calendar of each day's plans. Before we left, we had a "family meeting" (my kids eat that sh*t up), and made a list of all the things we wanted to do. Our list included places we wanted to go (Mt. Rushmore, hiking) as well as more minor plans (baking with Grandma, riding in Uncle Kiner's truck). We were able to fill in the calendar from our list.

This turned out to be very helpful. David knew what to expect each day, and where there was free time to do other things, like go biz-carting with my brother. The rest of my family knew our plans, and joined us whenever their schedules allowed. Additionally, it was very clear which days we were spending with my mom and which days with my dad, eliminating any hard feelings or disappointment.

I should add that while things ended on a sour note with my dad, the first week was perfectly pleasant. So his behavior did not ruin our trip by any means. We had a really good vacation- lots of family time, some kickin' photos of ourselves balanced on mountain tops, and lots of time with people we don't get to see much.

But now we are home, at it feels great. It feels even better now that we are all unpacked (!! I know, an amazing accomplishment here in the Green household), and our house is cleaned- including the 2 inches of crushed acorns that make their way into our family room, and that we did not clean up before we left. I'd say yesterday was productive.

Next up- some photos of our trip, Camp Sue, and the accelerated end to summer.

Memo

(This is a rant. You have been warned.)

To: Dad and Mel
From: Marie and family
RE: How to treat us when we drive 550 miles to visit you

Dad-
I thought you'd been on the planet enough years to figure out the following, but your recent actions have proven me wrong. Here is an instruction guide, for your future use.

-When you ask if my twins can spend the night with you, and I pack them up and drive 45 minutes from Mom's place to yours, DO NOT leave 12 seconds after supper to go to Mel's kid's soccer game. For one, it's rude to leave guests sitting around at your place. Also, you see this kid EVERY WEEK, and you only see us a few times a year, so um? Priorities?

-In fact, the soccer thing in general really stings, for me and all of your children. Mel's son has a soccer game 3x's a week- and you go to EVERY GAME. My sister, your daughter, had a weekly softball game all summer and you went how many times? That's right. ZERO. Do you see how your "devotion" to this kid is insulting to the rest of us? Especially me and my family, who never get to spend time with you?

-Your girlfriend, Mel, can stop humping my leg anytime now. It's not going to make me like her more. In fact, it tempts me to kick her.

-When your grandchild, June, has her baptism and first birthday party, it is not acceptable for you to show up for 1 hour and then LEAVE to go to SOCCER, skipping the birthday party all together. Again, it makes all of us feel like you are choosing Mel's kid over your own. I think it was wise to not bring Mel to the baptism, but it wouldn't kill either of you to spend a day apart. As for her feeling "left out"- a) no one said she couldn't come and b) sometimes there are consequences for one's actions. The two of you having an affair while still married has consequences- like not being able to be joined at the hip for certain family gatherings. Yes, the choices the two of you made DO have lasting effects on many people.

Mel-
-Please stop humping my leg. It makes me feel weird.

-I will put up with you smothering my children- children you barely know- with kisses and whatever, if you will allow my dad to spend time with us when he has the chance. Instead of staying home "feeling left out" from the baptism, tell him "Go, be with your family today. I'll be fine." Say, "You belong with your kids today. Have fun." Do not say "Be home in one hour so we can go to the soccer game." GO BY YOURSELF FOR ONCE.

-If you invite my children to spend the night, do NOT encourage my father to leave with you for an 8pm soccer game minutes after we arrive. Instead, go BY YOURSELF.

-Do not tell my children they smell like pee. Yes, they do sleep in pull-up and pee while sleeping, but that's why I pack baby wipes. Please don't bathe them, and I repeat, do not tell them they smell like pee.

-Also, while we are on the subject of Inappropriate Things Said By Mel, please refrain from telling my sister that she's gained weight. I cannot think of a single earthly reason why this would be considered acceptable.

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So, while we're on the bright and shiny subject of my dad, let's play a game! My dad knows I am upset with him. After he left the baptism to go to soccer, knowing that it pissed us all off, he hasn't contacted me since. That was Saturday. He has no idea when we are going home and has not attempted to call me to find out if we can see each other one more time before we leave. Instead, knowing him like I do, he's waiting for me to call him. I'm mad, and rightfully so, so I'm not going to call him.

So, Dad, the ball is in your court. How many days of silence on my end will it take for you to get the guts to pick up the phone and call me? We'll call today Day 1, even though it's been 4 days since I've talked to you...