So...

I got a blue ribbon (1st place) for this photo!

Which was the one that received the most votes, so you guys were supah smart, as per usual. AND it was one I probably wouldn't have entered if I hadn't done that little poll, so. Internets = awesome.

"Marin" was "dying for a snowcone" yesterday, right around 1pm, which just happened to be when the buildings opened. My other girls were at a playdate, so I did what any good mother would do, and stopped at the fair to get "Marin a snowcone". And, ah, walk through the buildings, natch. ;)

(I still can't believe that I actually got a ribbon!)

And then last night after dinner, when we took the whole family to the fair, we played bingo at the bingo tent, for 25 cents/card. We played 4 games, and both Marin (slash David) and I got a bingo, and won $5 each.

The Tiny Town Fair... it's off to a good start.

The Fair (an Update)

Reading everyone's comments on which photos were your favorite was so much fun, and as a bonus, had surprising results.

Since a single favorite didn't seem to clearly emerge, I decided to tally all of the votes. I also asked several people IRL and added their votes to the tally.

So the options were:

1. Twilight:

2. Tree lover:

3. 4th of July:

4. Easter Morning:

5. Miss Daisy:

6. Childhood:

At posting time, my favorites were 4th of July and Childhood. But I was also strongly considering Miss Daisy. And I loved Twilight, but was less confident about a landscape photo...

Here's how the tallies broke down:

1. Twilight: 9 votes

2. Tree lover: 16 votes

3. 4th of July: 6 votes

4. Easter Morning: 4 votes

5. Miss Daisy: 12 votes

6. Childhood: 5 votes

So my top favorites had some of the least votes. Hmmmm.

After picking up the printed versions, Easter Morning was clearly out of the running. The rest cropped ok, but I didn't love how 4th of July and Childhood's crop changed the photo quite a bit. Actually, I didn't love the cropped version of ANY of them as much as the originals, but. My fault, yada yada. Should have found a better printer than WALeffingMART and printed them sooner than the day before the deadline blah blah blah.

(Will I ever learn not to procrastinate? Yeah, probably not...)

Also, I was so surprised that Tree lover had the most votes, and by quite a bit. I love that photo of Marin, but I wasn't even strongly considering entering it at that point.

Twilight was a favorite of mine all along, and I was pleased that so many of you liked it too. And Miss Daisy... ahh, I love that photo too, but I was a little bothered by the focus not being really crisp and clean.

Basically, after seeing them printed, it was between Twilight, Tree lover, Miss Daisy, and maaaaybe even Childhood.

I played with putting them under the frame's mat. Tree lover was my (new!) favorite. Twilight also looked great matted, but I was lacking confidence in that one. The newly-cropped Childhood was ever-so-slightly more cropped under the mat, making it unacceptable.

Miss Daisy was great under the mat, even in it's cropped version. While I don't think that photo is the best in terms of quality of photo, I think it has the most appeal.

So. I ended up submitting Tree lover and Miss Daisy. Which are exactly the two with the most votes. Thank you so much for your help!

+++++++++++

As I stood in line with people holding loaves of bread, vases of flowers, needlework, vegetables arranged on paper plates, and all kinds of framed art work, I marveled at this thing called a County Fair. I've never entered anything into a fair in my life, but for many small-town people, it's something they've been doing since early childhood. Like my husband, for example.

I learned that only one person judges. And the judge remains anonymous, even AFTER the judging is over. I learned that artists' names are hidden during the judging, and then revealed afterward for the fair-goers to see. I learned that ribbon winners actually earn CASH MONEY. (Grand prize is, and I'm not joking, $2).

I left chuckling to myself and feeling like REAL Tiny Town dweller and small-town girl, now that I've entered something into the fair.

+++++++++++

The judging happened last night, and the fair opens today. Tiny Town County Fair week is my favorite time of summer, and we go to the fair nearly everyday that it's here.

Tonight when we get there, I WANT to be all cool and nonchalant... not all mouth-breathing and rushing to the Creative Arts building. I want to wander around, enjoying the sights and sounds, and not snapping at the kids to WALK FASTER and NO WE CAN'T STOP AND SEE X because we have to get to the Creative Arts building RIGHT NOW.

(It's funny how I really don't care if I "win" or not... and YET. Once I started the process, I started to care. Ya know?)

Despite how I want to act, any bets on how things actually go down?

Halp!

*****UPDATE: I decided to print them all 8x10 to help me decide. HOWEVER, #4 Easter Morning and #6 Childhood were significantly changed when cropped to be 8x10 (and printing 8x12 isn't an option). With #4 both girls on the sides are cut in half. It might still be an ok photo- I might even like it BETTER- but it might look really odd. It was hard to tell. With #6, I had to chop off the little boy on the left side completely.

Does this change anyone's mind??

(Original post:)

I know I'm not giving you very much time for this, as I have to submit my photo(s) TOMORROW. But I thought I had it figured out and now I don't know and AEIIIIIII.

Ok, so here's the deal. Tiny Town County Fair is coming to town this week, and I am entering 2 photos- just for fun- into the Creative Arts building "contest". Meaning: all the photos entered will be judged and ribbons will be awarded.

I really don't care much if I win or not (like, at all), but if everyone I know in Tiny Town is going to potentially be SEEING my photos displayed on the wall, then I want to make a good selection.

So, here's what's in my pool of possibilities. Please vote for TWO. Please? (And thank you.)

(If this kind of thing makes you squirmy, leave me an anon comment.)

Option 1: Twilight from my front step:

Option 2: Tree lover:

Option 3: 4th of July

Option 4: Easter morning:

Option 5: Miss Daisy:

Option 6: Childhood:

Thanks again, ya'll.

P.S. Whatever I choose will be printed (at Walmart, UGG) as an 8x10.

P.P.S. The judges are folks from the Tiny Town Art Council. I have NO IDEA what they look for, if these particular judges will happen to know lots or next-to-nothing about photography, or if it's mostly "professionals" that enter vs. amateurs. I always look at the photography display, but though I can't recall with complete certainty, I remember it being mostly less-professional looking photos...

Time Alone

*Reading The Girl Who Played With Fire

*Visiting a new local winery with friends

*Taking a phone call from my sister instead of sleeping in

*Running away- for the day- with Tea

*Eating fish tacos, outside, near waterfalls

*Watching a storm roll in... and leave again just as quickly

*Spending birthday money from my dad on camera stuff

*Finding some fun, cute things on clearance on Target

*Trying "salt-ice cream" for the first time. And dying. OBVS.

*Sleeping with the tv on, so as not to hear little noises and scare myself

*Marveling at the only messes that are being made are MINE

*Walking on a wooded path and smoking (a few) cigarettes with a friend... and feeling bad

*Contemplating entering a photo (or a few) to the Tiny Town County Fair

*Turning lights on before dark so that after dark I don't scare myself

*Watching the cats pace the house, looking for the girls

*Hoping to sleep in tomorrow (hint, hint, Seester)

[David took the girls camping this weekend (he and his sister take all the nieces/nephews every summer), so I've been on my own... and loving it, of course.]

Party On My Porch

Yesterday was my birthday. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to tell you how old I am, but I can tell you that this particular birthday made me feel O-L-D.

David invited all of my Tiny Town friends over for a little celebration. He put on a nice spread, no?

Ok, fine. I was involved in making the table look pretty. But he's totally responsible for ordering that yummy cake from the Tiny Town Bistro.

Several of my friends brought flowers, usually picked from their own gardens, which is probably one of my favorite things in the world. A bouquet, picked and arranged from one's currently-blooming flowers, is just so... honest and simple and pretty to me. LOVE.

Although my little rugrats were hanging around for the (beginning, at least, of the) party, everyone else left their kids home with their husbands, and came over for cake and wine after dinner.

Here's my girls, before they got booted back into the house, for the bothersome offense of "hanging over the cake". Those were my exact words, I believe.

(But hey, it's my birthday, and if I don't want three little girls breathing all over and poking my cake, that's my right, right?)

They were, however, allowed to eat a piece of cake. IN THE HOUSE. Actually, as I was falling asleep last night, I felt bad for how I treated them. Shooing them away from the party like they were untouchables or something was not my most proud birthday moment.

On the other hand, BACK AWAY FROM MY CAKE, LADIES.

Anyway, it was a good party. As in: 11 bottles of wine good. As in: that's how much this group consumed throughout the evening.

Well, actually, couple more ladies came after this photo was taken. By then, I was shitfaced tipsy enough that I didn't think to take another photo of the whole group.

David had requested on the invite "no gifts" but many of the ladies brought wine. I thought the supply we had on hand was plenty- about 4 bottles, if I remember right- but boy was I wrong. Wine toting friends, FTW!

But seriously, it was very sweet of my husband to plan this. I'm going to have to think of something equally satisfying for him, for his next birthday.

(11 bottles of wine!)

P.S. I'm 35. Thirty five. Which is closer to 40 than I'd like. Which makes me feel like AAEEEIIII I'm old. Which is unusual, since birthdays (or my age) usually don't bother me at all.

Blogger Spacing Issues

I installed Google Analytics on this blog shortly after I began writing here, and I'm sad to report that I have basically NO IDEA what to make of all that data. I do click over there once in awhile (weekly? biweekly? not very often, anyway), and I like to see where people are viewing my blog from and which google searches brought them here.

Over the years, my most common search is "I have blogger spacing issues" or some variation thereof. I did, in fact, do a post about that long, long ago, but I offered absolutely no solutions for such problems, and I assume when people search those words, they are looking for solutions.

So, I thought I'd give all those google-searchers some REAL knowledge... except for that I STILL have blogger spacing issues, and I still have no idea (usually) how to fix it.

Here's what I do know:

1. loading photos messes everything up

2. switching back and forth between "edit html" and "compose" mode also messes things up- most notably the font (both type of font and size).

When I load photos, I load them in reverse order of how I want them to appear. The photo I want to end my blog post with? I upload that one first. After I upload all the photos, THEN I write the post. I've found that trying to add photos into already-written text just causes headaches.

If I've already written a post and then decide I want photos, I'll add the photos (again in reverse order) (they will automatically load at the top of the page, with all of the text being shoved to the bottom). Next, I'll cut and paste the text around the photos, instead of trying to move the photos around the text.

I only use "edit html" mode if I'm adding html code, and if it messes up the font type or size or any of the spacing, I usually just publish it that way. Sometimes, I can go back to the "edit html" mode and muddle my way through fixing some of the spacing things, other times I cannot.

So, there you have it, google searchers. Good luck!

P.S. My other two main google searches are "ballerina hair" and "define gossip". I've mentioned each of those topics exactly once (here and here), but I'll save you the clicks: I know absolutely NOTHING about ballerinas OR hair, much less how a ballerina styles his or her hair, and my post about gossip is, well, it was written a long time ago, ok? And honestly I have no idea what it says, because I was cringing so much reading the ballerina hair post that I didn't (re)read the gossip one...

Day's End

I ended today, laying (lying? I never know for sure) on my porch swing with Marin, watching the fireflies and bats, and smelling her sweet scent. She smells like apples and bread and... baby powder (?) and oatmeal. I think. It's hard to describe.

We both dozed off- it was late; 10ish- and then we roused ourselves, and I carried her into the house. Then I asked her to walk so I could carry a basket of clean laundry upstairs, and she happily agreed, but only if I'd lead her by holding her hand, because she "was asleep" and therefore couldn't "see anything".

She easily settled into bed, and then I called my husband, who was driving home from an adventure with Kate and Joan. I talked to both of them about their day (there was swimming! with a teen aged cousin!), and I was so happy to hear about it all. But they were squabbling back and forth- nothing serious; just the normal- and I had to pretend that Kate didn't tell me that Joan swam without a life jacket, because Joan wanted to tell me that herself, and...

Well, and that's when it hit me. I never got a peaceful night on the porch, lazily watching the summer creatures, with the older two. Because there were TWO of them, each on a constant vigil to ensure she was getting her due attention.

It's the plague of twinhood, for sure, the never being able to be just ONE. I mean, we do make an effort to do things with them individually, but the score-keeping that goes on! And the one-upping! It's exhausting. The path of least resistance (and the most peace) is to treat them as a two-piece unit that must be equally tended.

I am not proud of this. I, in fact, cringe to write that sentence. I don't want to treat them as a two-piece unit. And yet...

I remember when they were newborns... I would nurse one of them, and she would fall asleep in that perfect, heart-squeezing way that only newborns can do. And she'd be all curled on my chest- damp and comfy and softly breathing- and I'd want more than anything to just hold her like that until she woke.

But I couldn't. Because her sister needed to eat.

So I'd pull her off my chest and reluctantly either settle her elsewhere or hand her off to David so I could repeat the process with her sister. And then her sister would fall asleep, but I couldn't just cuddle her either, because either I needed to pee, or I needed to eat, or the other baby needed me now.... And if I *did* manage a few extra cuddles with one or the other, it never felt quite right. It felt either unfair or like someone was missing.

The prevailing feeling of those early days was that there wasn't enough of me to go around. Even though there was, technically. Everyone was being fed and bathed and changed and loved. But my attention was constantly being torn in two places.

And dividing my love and affection between my twins is very different that dividing my love and affection between one of the twins and Marin. It's something about being at the same age, and having the same needs... Marin's needs are so different from theirs, that it's easier not to get into a "IT'S NOT FAIR" contest with her.

I've comforted myself by saying that what they didn't have in undivided attention from ME (or David, or whomever), they made up for by having this really special twin relationship. I do believe this to be true, in many respects.

But as my youngest dozed in my arms tonight- lightening bugs twinkling in the yard all around us (and her elbow lodged firmly in my ribcage); me with no place else in the world I needed to be- I hoped upon hope that what my twins got (and continue to get) from me is enough.

Man, I hope it's enough.

Question

For book club this month, we read The Necklace by Cheryl Jarvis. It's about 13 women who buy a rilly rilly expensive diamond necklace (it's worth, like, 30k) and share it.

Honestly, it's not my kind of book. I'm not into fine jewelery, so the premise really didn't interest me. However, I found the story interesting (though the actual writing was not good). These women- some in the group are strangers in the beginning- come together and create a community around the ownership of the necklace.

They also use it for all sorts of community good: fundraisers and such, and the question of materialism is brought to light. Just letting others around town WEAR THE NECKLACE was a big deal, which, huh? It's just a necklace. But it really did make a difference in people's lives.

Since I don't consider myself a very materialistic person (by American standards, anyway), I thought that part was interesting. And it got me thinking: what things do I own that I put a high value on?

Aside from people and pets (in case you file those things in the "possessions" column), family heirlooms (grandpa's watch and the like) and personal mementos (photos, coming-home baby outfits, etc), what do you own that you value? What's your most prized possession(s)?

[Edited to add my answer: I turned this question in my head again and again, and I'm not sure what thing(s) I value most in my life. I mean, I love lots of our belongings. I love our bedroom set, and I love my red cupcake stand, and I love Marin's bedding, and I love owning so many books. These things could all easily be replaced though.

I love our house- oh, how I love our house. There's so much yet to be done here, but the character, the woodwork, the built-ins... And I love the location of our house; I love our neighborhood, our grown trees, the sidewalks... However, we don't technically OWN our home. Hrrmph.

I think my final answer is my camera. Just like Erin! And my camera would be fairly useless to me without my laptop. And I use my laptop for so many other things (hello, Facebook? blogging?). So my camera AND my laptop. ...AND my internet connection.

In trying to answer this question, I've realized just how disposable our culture is. If our house burned, along with all of our stuff, I'd collect insurance money (I am, after all, required by law to carry insurance on my property) and go about replacing all of our STUFF. Even my camera and laptop are technically replaceable....]

Shy Vs. Stage

I've woken up the past two days with a slamming headache, which says Good Morning like nothing else, ya know? There's something about having severe headaches/migraines that makes life during those times feel foggy and surreal. Reminds me of childbirth, actually.

So the fact that our friends are moving seems unreal right now, as does the post I wrote about it, along with all of your thoughtful comments. I'm actually appreciating a little distance from that reality, so, you know, silver linings and all that. (Seriously, thank you for your kind and understanding words.)

But still. Headaches suck. Especially when you live in fear (actual FEAR) of that headache crossing some invisible yet very noticeable line into Migraine Territory.

Aaaaanyway, moving on.

My big girls are taking a theater class this week. I'm not sure if I've ever described their crippling shyness on this here blog, but it's true: they are horribly, painfully shy. Even with people we know really well, if we see them out of the girls' normal "comfort zone" (like at the grocery store), they hide behind me and refuse to speak.

But they also have this inner desire to perform. They love High School Musical, Camp Rock, and the like, and easily memorize songs and lyrics, which they belt out with an amazing accuracy and heartbreaking earnestness.

(If you've ever had dinner at our house, you know this. Because it's inevitable that at some point during the evening, one of the girls sidles up next to me to whisper "We're having a show. It starts in 10 minutes."

And then our poor, unsuspecting dinner guests are coerced invited to watch the girls' performance. Sometimes, it's just singing. Other times it's dancing or gymnastics. Lately, they've been into writing up simple "plays" to perform. If our dinner guests have children, those kids are dressed in costume and given parts as well.)

This theater class is so good for them- and fun for me- because they get to wrestle their inner desire to perform with their shyness. It's fantastic to see them become comfortable enough throughout the week to overcome The Shy and participate in a short play. On a real! stage!, no less.

As I watch them up there on that stage, I see them shed another thin layer of their babyhood, revealing- if even just a tiny bit- the confident, self-assured young adults of their future-selves. It's magical; you'll just have to trust me.

P.S. I'm happy to report that upon completion of this post, my headache seems to be GONE! I'm sitting here happily eating a wrap, stuffed full of CSA veggies, and feeling (as I often do after a prolonged headache) on top of the world. I can do anything! My head doesn't hurt!

Tender at the (Everyday) Heart

So our friends, our good, lives on our block, spends holidays and birthdays together, swaps kids back and forth often, have been hanging out together since our oldest were babies, friends... are moving.

Moving. As in, moving away. To another state.

On August 1st.

Ruthie, Dan, and JJ will no longer be our go-to friends, for borrowing sugar, or borrowing company for a bonfire, or nada.

And we are all just so sad about this; it's really a sight to see. I am not a weepy person, and there has been weeping. In fact, the tears keep sneaking up on me, which is really wigging my shit out, but there they are, filling up my eyes, making me feel like there is a GIANT SPOTLIGHT on me and everyone in the whole entire world- or at least everyone in this zip code- can see me sniffling like a jerk.

And my kids are sad, sorry, little sacks of bones. I told the girls about it a few days ago, and big crocodile tears rolled down their cheeks. And I honestly can't even type that without getting all choked up myself. The sweet self-talk (but JJ will still invite us to his birthday! And we can go and visit him! Road trips are fun!); my girls trying to make it all ok.

And really? birthday parties? My girls- in their lack of understanding- are worried about JJ's birthday party? They have not yet absorbed that he won't be here, just a few houses away, for whenever they are bored and/or lonely or have a great idea for a game or want to have a lemonade stand. That he simply won't be here at all. His birthday party is, like, 2 hours out of the year that is probably the least quality time they spend with him all year.

I know it's not about me- not about us- at all. I know. And I'm happy for them, for I know Dan has been unhappy here in his profession for awhile. His new job is perfect for him and is a excellent career move. The area they are moving to has countless amazing opportunities for all of them. They need to do this, and they will be happy there.

But it sure seems like it is about us. I suppose that was mourning does- it makes you lose perspective, or at least not be able to logic-talk yourself to a place of peace. The sadness has to come; it's how the process works.

The thing is, we have so many wonderful friends here. In fact, Ruthie isn't even my best friend here. Nor is Dan David's. But the ease in which JJ slips into our family life, the way they all fit around our dinner table- unplanned, usually- so perfectly, the simplicity of Marin joining their pew at church, the way being in their home or hanging around their yard is so comfortable... It's all the most natural, beautiful thing. As a family, they are our closest friends, because being with them just makes sense.

When we are with them, or they with us, there is no disruption... it's just smooth and normal.

So while I feel so fortunate to have so many other friends here- and you can ask the other Tiny Town peeps, because we are all just amazed that there are so many cool people here, and that we have found each other- Dan, Ruthie, and JJ 's leaving will be felt deeply by our family.

I'm not even sure we understand it yet.

The weird thing is that I've been so shy around them about how I really feel about them going. I mean, they know I'm sad, but I haven't been able to say to them how broken I- we- feel. I guess I'm just being... what? strong? for them? Or, maybe I don't want to talk about it for fear of Teh Ugly Cry? I'm not sure.

I was putting Marin to bed tonight, and she had big fat tears and a quivering bottom lip. My three year old. Who I didn't even realize understood that they were moving. Was crying about missing Ruthie. Ruthie, Dan, and JJ have always treated Marin like the family pet (ah... we all sorta do that) and have always had a huge soft spot for her. I just had no idea that she felt the same way about them, or that she would be able to be feeling that way now, before they left. I mean, she's THREE.

We'll still seem them, sure. They have family in Minnesota. We're still planning our annual camping trip. We will go and visit them. Road trips are fun!

But the things I love the most about them- how our gatherings are spontaneous and fun, how we just see each other while going about our normal lives, how we are raising our families together, how none of it takes any effort- are the very things that are not possible living far away from each other.

I like coming downstairs to find JJ smashed between my girls on the sofa, watching tv. Or to hear a man's voice and peek into the family room to find Dan chatting with Marin. Or to look out my window to see them walking by, glancing at our window, and waving hello.

I'll miss their seeing their faces as regulars as the filmstrip of our lives rolls by. I don't want guest appearances; I want them as everyday cast members.