Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Finding Peace

Everyday I think about whether or not I want to have another child. Some days I don't feel done having a baby in the house. I love babies, love being pregnant, love the mystery of how our family will change shape. I love the breastfeeding, the cuddling, all of those "firsts". The lack of sleep, while definitely on the sucktatude scale, does not bother me as much as it does other moms. (You: *raised eyebrow*. You: *thinking about how this blog in nearly always about how tired I am* You: *checking to see if you are reading Marie Green, or someone entirely different* Me: It's sort of like labor ok? I forget just how much it sucks.)

So then, on the other hand, I don't know if I want FOUR kids. Three kids is a lot- A LOT- of kids, and I feel like adding another might just put me over the edge. I don't want to be one of those moms who is just barely hanging on, barely managing to get through each day. It's not about what I can or cannot "handle"- it's about enjoying my life and being a happy person.

(It's not about having a boy either. Even if I were 100% sure that our next baby would be a girl, I would still be thinking about it every day, as undecided as I am now.)

Also? There's that little tiny fear that we will finally decide to go for it.... and then have twins again. THIS WOULD NOT BE FUNNY, so don't even chuckle a little bit to yourself.

Would anyone ever invite us over for dinner if we had FOUR kids?

13 comments:

Shelly Overlook said...

I can barely handle my one child, so I marvel at anyone else who can competently care for more, let alone twins. But wouldn't that be the cosmic joke if you wound up with another set of twins? Then maybe you could get your own tv show.

Kristin.... said...

Your 4 could hang with my 4 and we could sit back and enjoy the chaos! :)

d e v a n said...

I can SO picture myself right where you are in a year or two. Good luck with your decision.

Swistle said...

I don't know what three is like, but going from two to four was...not as big a change as I would have expected. But it's true we don't go places much anymore. On the other hand, we didn't when we only had one or two, either.

I think of it all the time, too. In my case, the thing that sways me is realizing we'd need to go from a minivan to a van or some other 8-seater.

desperate housewife said...

I'm afraid I will ALWAYS feel this way, wondering if our family needs one more baby. I can totally see how people end up with, like, ten kids.

Black Sheeped said...

I have no idea how one goes about making a decision like this. I'd be terrified of more twins. Because I AM a twin, I am already terrified of twins, even though we're not in a baby-making place. I've heard so many horror stories of how my brother and I made life exhausting. Surely, I think, the universe wants to get back at me for being a twin with COLIC.

Chelle said...

I would totally invite you over for dinner.

Even if you had EIGHT kids.

You would have to bring the wine, though. Kidding.

I wanted four kids, hubby, not so much. Sometimes I wish we hadn't stopped at two, though.

Erin said...

I would totally invite you over for dinner with four OR three kids. Can you come over, like, tonight?

clueless but hopeful mama said...

Add me to your list of dinner invites.

My dog would be SO happy. Lots of faces to lick at JUST the right level.

(ps. I have no thoughts on having another baby except ... keep us posted!)

Mommy Brain said...

And here's me struggling with whether or not to have a 3rd.

One of my (unhelpful) friends pointed out that if I had a third then she/he would be lonely because she/he wouldn't be a twin so I would have to have a fourth child so #3 would have a friend.

I do not want four children so this line of thinking kind of hinders the whole #3 thing. Although, according to my cousin (mother of five, oldest three are in college), once you have three, #4 and #5 are "nothing."

As for dinner out - a friend of mine has five kids (one plus quadruplets) she keeps a fold up little tikes picnic table in her van so the kids all have somewhere to sit when they visit other people. And, yes, she does get invited out. :-)

Astarte said...

I know what you mean about thinking about having another. We went through that a year ago, and actually tried for several months before realizing that I have uterine polyps that make it basically impossible for me to get knocked up again. And, surprisingly, I'm OK with that. Especially now, when Patrick is going to be starting K in a few months and I'm almost FREE. I do love babies, though, so I get my fix by volunteering with our church's MOPS group as a sitter in the infant room. Turns out that two hours every other week with, like, six babies is just about enough for me. :)

And I would totally still have you over for dinner. I think it's more would YOU feel able to come?

Tina Davis said...

Four is a LOT of kids. I have four myself and wonder "What were we thinking?" at least two hundred times a day! But in the same breath I am thankful for all of the little heads to smell, sweet bodies to tuck in every night and the endless amount of laughter our house is filled with. I just have to ignore the huge pile of laundry that is filling almost half of my bedroom floor right now!
Good luck with your decision...

Doulala said...

I have 4 and now that I think about it, we don't get invited over for dinner very often. ;-)
It's a lot more fun when you do the inviting. People love coming over to watch the circus that is our family.