Friday, November 30, 2007


First, I'd like to say how great it was to hear that many of you share my dental-phobia. Go Team Blogger! I am probably going to have some sort of happy pill when it comes time to do the big guns of dental work. There is sedation dentistry available in a bigger town nearby, but I would need a babysitter AND a driver, and it would probably be more than one visit and christ on a cracker, let's not draw any extra attention to the One Who Hates Dentists, m'kay?

Christ on a cracker- that is so much fun to say! I know, I know, it's probably offensive to some- it's probably offensive to ME- but just say it once. Christ on a cracker. Haaa, haaaa, haaaa. I can't not smile when I say it.

You know what else I've been looking for an excuse to say? "Skull-f*ck". Ok, if I'm going to use that word, I might as well USE it, ya know? SKULL-FUCK. Man that felt good. Sundry used it in one of her posts, and it's been going through my head ever since. See? I should have gone shopping on Black Friday- then I could have skull-fucked my way out of the crowds. *SQUEEE*

Hey, is anyone keeping track of how many ear infections Marin has had? Because yesterday? Yesterday she went to the doctor to for a follow up visit on her last infection, and she has another one. Well, two. Both ears. "Very yucky" said the doctor.

ANOTHER round of antibiotics, thrush, owie boobs, etc.

But maybe we'll get our allotted 3 nights of good sleep before the next infection kicks in. Three nights. Mmmmmm. I'll take it.

Christ on a cracker.

(still cracks me up)

Thursday, November 29, 2007


Confession: I hate dentists. Ok, that's not being honest. It's more like... I'm scared to death of dentists. It all goes back to the abusive asshole that I saw as a child, blah, blah, blah, ghosts from the cradle etc. But the fact remains that I avoid dentists at all cost.

Even, apparently, at the cost of my teeth. Because the other day, part of a tooth BROKE OFF. So now I have to go to the damn dentist, and I feel all stupid and crazy for not going regularly like normal people do. Plus our family dentist (yes the rest of the humans around here go) is a really normal and nice woman. To make it worse, she's around my age and in this small town, we're considered peers. Only, I'm the crazy one who doesn't go the the dentist. Fabulous.

Buy hey, she DID say that I do a great job of cleaning my teeth. I was like, no SHIT- it's because I hate coming HERE.

More dental work to come.


Also, EEEK.

My dear crap, I may as well tell you, while I'm in a confessing mood, my kid fell out of her high chair yesterday. Landed right on her head. I ROCK.

Were you needing to feel superior to someone today? YOU ARE WELCOME.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

My Sinuses Feel Like They Are Going To Explode

OK! *brushing hands* New rules around here. I am no longer allowed to peruse all of YOUR blogs until I write something on my own. See, I have all these things I've been wanting to tell you- I even think of them in my sleep- but then I sit down, start reading all of you, and BAM! Brain= empty.* Then I feel like whatever I write is a copycat post from one of you. Yucky.

So! Thanksgiving was good. We went to David's brother's house instead of his parents' farm, and it was nice to switch things up a bit. He has a BIG family (8 kids, 17 grand kids; about 32 people in all), so it is an undertaking for anyone to host. My kids are on the younger end of the cousins, so there is a never ending supply of older children eager to play with the younger ones (Hey! Just call us the Duggers!) (Only, with about a bazillion more adults).

Then, we opted out of our trip to SD on Friday. Everyone here has been sick for weeks, and we decided at the last minute to stay home. We missed my mom's side family Christmas, and it's the only time of year we see some of those people, but we definitely made the right decision. If you've never ditched an obligatory family function, I highly recommend it. We felt so relieved that we didn't have to go anywhere- and the rest of the long weekend stretched out invitingly.

I haven't started my Christmas shopping yet. I know, I'm one of those. BUT! I do have a HOTT Christmas gift idea, good for parents, grandparents, and any other hard-to-buy-for person(s). It's the Shutterfly photo books. We did this last year for our parents and grandparents and it was a huge success. They all loved Loved LOVED their books. I titled our book "The Year We Became a Family of 5" (awww. sniff, sniff) and had a few pictures of every month of the year. It started with "Mommy and Daddy finding out our family was growing", chronicled my humongo, pregasaurus belly, included a "Welcome to our family, Marin!" page, and ended with some Thanksgiving and (pre)Christmas pics. I know, so totally cheesy that they ate it up like crack-cocaine! (Also, if you create an account with them, you get boatloads of coupons for free shipping, buy one get one free books, etc.) (And the finished product turns out really nice- just like a hardcover picture book.)

*Note, these rules are subject to change at any time for any reason.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Meme- Christmas Version

I was tagged for a meme, and it is exactly what I need right now- something specific to blog about! (Thanks El-e-e.) However, I'm going to switch it up.

Here it is- 7 random things I want for Christmas:

1. A new camera. As of right now, mine is missing. MISSING. Seriously, my stomach hurts.

2. More place settings of my new! dishes! (All of the different colors make me happy.) Also, some of the extra pieces- serving dishes, the fancy pitcher, etc. Good-bye wedding dishes. The past 7 years have been great.

3. These shoes by Dansko. (In tomato suede leather... or hunter or black or brown.) (David, are you taking notes?)

4. A dust buster. Although, if I could get one of these and not have it "count" for a Christmas gift, that would be fine too. In that case, I would change #4 to Diamonds.

5. A new couch! A whole new living room set! (Specifically: a couch, 2 comfy chairs and a big ottoman. And some coffee/end tables. Hello? David??) Oh! And a bonfire to burn our old couch...

6. A cleaning service. Nothing extravagant- twice a month would be plenty.

7. Sleep- blissful, uninterrupted sleep. And I don't mean just one night- I want night after night after night- so much sleep that I get that icky "I've slept too much" feeling. *salivating at the thought* (Aww, heck, throw in a new mattress too.)

Ok, so now it's your turn. What do you want for Christmas? And, don't be getting all noble and all I want is "world peace" on me. I'm interested in consumerism- rampant consumerism!

In fact, let's just assume that the following is on your list already: healthy family, a presidential campaign that doesn't make your stomach cramp, a lottery win, a 30 day spa vacation to Hawaii with a full time nanny so you don't have to miss the children, 365 days of non-shrieking and non-whining children... Oh, and of course, a kitchen remodel, complete with all new appliances.

So besides all of that, what do you want?

Go! Be greedy!

Monday, November 19, 2007

First Snowy Day

Saturday was our first snowy day, though not enough fell to even cover the ground. But that means too things in our household: 1) we proceed with our family's "first snow day tradition" and 2) we get to put the down and flannel bedding on our bed.

1) After watching some highly educational PBS show (Clifford maybe?), Kate and Joan came to me devastated that WE didn't have a first snow day tradition. Never one to break the 3 year olds' hearts, I was all, OF COURSE WE DO. They were so excited! What is it??? In my head I was all "Oh, F*^K." So I blurted out- "We have a fire in our fireplace on the first day of snow."

Do you know what a bad idea this was? The kids are always too excited, and David is always grudgingly playing along, and while he tries to make a fire the kids are catapulting around the living room with blankets and pillows and nearly catching themselves on fire. Now, I wouldn't mind if our couch in that room burned to dust, but I want to do it in a CONTROLLED WAY, and preferable OUT of the house. So while I wholeheartedly encourage a "first snow day" tradition of your very own, I'm telling you to think it through. Getting the kids excited about a FIRE, with actual flames = not such a smart idea. I was put on the spot, people!

2) Our ACTUAL first snow day tradition is that we pull out our winter bedding. Every fall I make us wait until the first snow. Around here, that usually happens sometime in October. This year, not so much. So when we DID pull out our down comforter I could not believe that we had been allowing ourselves to freeze our asses off for so long! I was warm, and I did not have 15 lbs of quilts weighing me down.

(It was extra special, since we did not use our down last year, due to this guy's rules about co sleeping.) (Also, we were not as cold last winter, because David did not try to freeze our pipes each and every night due to Heating Plan: Newborn In The House. He is now back to his regularly scheduled program of Heating Plan: Each Man For Himself.) (I curse those program-able thermostats! People- children even!- everywhere are waking with ice on their eyelashes due to the Hot Blooded Adult in the House That Sets the Temps Too Low.) (You know exactly what I mean, right?)

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Brutal Existance

I've taken an unannounced and unexpected bloggy break, busy as I am fantasizing about sleep. It's all consuming right now- the need for more and the trying to see through the sandpaper eyelids. The details are fuzzy even to me- it goes something like this: Marin, blah blah ear infection blah screaming all night blah blah thrush blah blah antibiotics done blah blah more screaming at night blah blah Dr says ears look fine blah more screaming at night blah, well baby exam show raging infections is both ears-AGAIN blah blah more thrush, this time in diaper area too blah blah blah.

To think I entertained the idea of NaPloBloMo!

So I haven't written because all I could think of to say was how flipping tired I am! And how boring Grey's Anatomy has been lately! My laundry is piling up a la Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout!


I have been thinking about the power of authority. I have long chided myself for having a self proclaimed "problem with authority". I don't want to be told what to do, I get defensive, and I don't trust people just because I "should". This is not my loveliest trait.

Recently, we've had medical issues from hell. Navigating the medical industry is a nightmare- even more so for people with my affliction. I've really been challenged to let some go- to stop questioning everything, to just do what the damn doctors says for once, without getting all pissed and frustrated and ugly.

I remember in college learning about a study about the power of authority. (Sorry, I'm too lazy to google it for you. What? You already got the Silverstein poem above!) The subjects were told they were part of a "memory study" and they were to ask questions to their counterpart, who were behind a wall, but within hearing distance. If they got the question wrong, the questioner was to give them an electric shock. With every wrong answer, the electric shock increased until the screaming was unbearable. But still, the questioners continued to give the shock, because they were told to. Now, in reality, no shock was being given. It was really just a test to see how far a person would go, harming another person, because an authority figure told them it was ok. Would you continue to give the shock? At what point would you opt out of the study, because you felt horrible inflicting pain?

Most people in the study (all people? I can't really remember) continued to give the shock. Because they were told to.

This gives me goosebumps.

And yet, even with my "problem with authority", I fell victim to this. Marin, shortly after going off of her antibiotic started screaming all night again. Her doctor wasn't available, so I took her in to a different doctor, thinking her ear infection was back. Different doctor said Nope, ears are F-I-N-E. Yet she continued to scream at night. Did I take her back in? No, I did not. How long did she scream at night? TWO WEEKS. And then she had her well baby visit, where her regular doctor said both ears looked awful. AWFUL.

I was so excited! YES! We have an answer to why she can't sleep! Better yet- there is a treatment that will cure her (antibiotics), and she will start sleeping!

But how long would I have waited before taking her back in? See, a DOCTOR told me she was fine, that her ears were fine, so I'll be damned if I'm going to go back AGAIN only to be told she is fine. Why is that so humiliating/frustrating/maddening? I always feel so validated when my kid has something diagnosable, and so stupid when they are "fine" or it's "just a virus". Why do I give a sh*t what the doctors think of me? Why, when they say she is "fine" but she clearly ISN'T, do I not question that, take her back in, insist on some answers?

Now, in my defense, she was not running a fever during this time. Back when I was in Mommy 101, running a fever was a sure sign of infection. But still.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to return to my regular schedule of eating vast amounts of sugar as a way of self-medicating my sleepy/irritated body.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Relief; Also, National Sugar-High Day

Oh. You were all so nice about my last post. I have to admit that I had some moments of panic- why the hell did I post that? Was anyone going to understand my point, or would I forever be known as the weirdo who wants another wife in the house? Because I don't. But no, you understood what I was saying. You are awesome like that.

Was Halloween fun? I know that everyone everywhere is suffering from a major sugar high (especially the "everyone's" that are under 4 feet tall). But we're not doing the "candy fairy" or the "switch witch" or any such thing. Our plan: let the kids eat as much as they want for today, hope for a few natural consequences, and hope they get through a large portion of it today. The rest will be dumped into one large bowl and placed on top of the fridge, and brought out especially when we have company- to help distribute the consumption. (My neighbors love me).

Also, by natural consequences, I mean a little tummy ache or chocolate overdose- enough to ward off the natural desire to want more More MORE. I don't wish for them to be ill, just a little grossed out by the thought of more.


We have been waking every morning to ALL FIVE of us in one (queen sized) bed. I feel like our bed is a file cabinet- we are all laying there all filed into bed, trying to take up as little space as possible. This image also comes to mind. Only instead of being this little slices of frozen breast milk, we are hot and grumpy slices of people stacked together.

I've had actual fantasies of treating myself to a hotel room for the night. Screw you ALL, I'm going to the Hilton! Let's not focus on what it means to have escapist fantasies, ok?


Are you guys on Facebook? It's so fun! My neighbor Kris first sparked my interest, and I still don't know exactly what I'm doing. Never mind that they are deleting accounts that have images of breastfeeding because they are considered OBSCENE! This should piss me off. It does piss me off.

But still, it's fun.