Friday, April 18, 2008

Weaning Heartbreak/Celebration

I mentioned that Marin is completely, totally weaned, right? I started saying no her to once in awhile, she stopped asking so frequently, and before I could re-think it, we were down to 1-2 times a day.

At that point, I quieted my sad and second-guessing heart and went with it. I didn't want to encourage her to go back to nursing more- surely she would have accommodated me. But then, in two or three or six months when I was feeling DONE, it would not be fair to her, to have encouraged her when she was naturally weaning herself. Ya know?

So. Somehow or another, I find myself as a NON-breastfeeding mother again. Three cheers for a real bra! Hurray for not being the only one to comfort the baby during the night! I love that my body is exactly that once again- MINE.

But filling out a form recently, I was panged when I didn't get to check the box "breastfeeding mother". It breaks my heart how, while eating hummus (oddly, one of her favorite foods), she sucks the hummus off the carrot and then sort of nurses the carrot. (True story.) I miss all the cuddling and rocking and quiet peace with my baby.

Also? I miss my baby. She's in such an awkward stage-such a baby, but also completely NOT a baby. She's talking and (kill me now) SINGING and running and putting 2 and 3 words together. She's *angels singing* sleeping and *heavenly trumpets* going to bed without being rocked to sleep. She takes predictable (and long) naps and is easy to take places.

We feel like a family with three KIDS instead of two kids and a baby. This is a good place to be, where everything is finally easy again, and we have predictability and stuff. Many times I am really at peace with this shape of our family.

But oh, how I love having a baby in the house.


Anonymous said...

Does this mean you might not be done after all???

& singing?? Uh, lucky you. I'm sure it's adorable at first but maybe not so much after the billionth song.

Astarte said...

Oh, I miss babies. But, luckily, other people have them! I watch other people's kids and then LEAVE THEM. It's nice.

Baby singing is the cutest. :)

Swistle said...

Oh, I am always so happy-sad after weaning!

desperate housewife said...

I keep thinking I want to wean, that I am so TIRED of getting up twice a night and so BITTER about being the only one with the equipment necessary to comfort. But then, when I'm actually in those quiet, comforting moments, I want to let him breastfeed forever.

Kate said...

I'm six months into breastfeeding my first and only the other day did I turn the corner of thinking it might be nice to not breastfeed for a while (I'm a ways off from weaning but still think about what it will be like now and then). I agree with the torn sentiments completely. I so love the time with the baby but won't mind so much having my breasts back.

Erin said...

This is EXACTLY the post I needed to read right now. I am in love with baby Emmett, but GOD he's KILLING ME. The weaning. The not sleeping. The not napping. The complete and total lack of predictability. I feel squirrel and worn out.

But I know I will miss the baby too, very soon when he's shed the babyness.

Kristin.... said...

I understand. I felt that way after my son was born. But, when I weaned the twins, it was relief. I was exhausted from nursing two. It was a relief to be able to sit them in their bouncy seats, and feed them bottles, together. Things for me got easier then.
And I am done with babies!

clueless but hopeful mama said...

I so feel you. When I sort of made an effort to maybe night-wean Zoe, she jumped right on it and weaned herself totally. It was so bittersweet and is to this day.

Joshua Johnson said...

mmmmm...I ate this up. thanks. :)

Jess said...

That's hard, but great too. I too had a hard time checking the non-breastfeeding box (why?!). I want my little ones to grow up a bit because the baby stage is so DIFFICULT but then they do and bah... I change my mind.