I'm About To Drive 550 Miles In a Minivan With Three Kids, So Have Some Grace For Christ's Sake

*Tap, tap, tap* Is this thing on?.... Anyone there?????......

Didn't think so.

But I'm going to go ahead and announce the winner(s) of my PIF contest, and I KNOW it's a tad bit late, so pipe down. I've been busy over here, remembering creepy things from my past that were previously buried in my psyche and feeling very raw and unfocused. Also, watching LOST.

In fact, if I were to be completely honest, the only reason I am blogging at all is because my alternative is packing. And there are no new Lost DVD's from Netflix.

(I just barfed a little in my mouth.) (About the packing.)

(We are leaving in a few hours for South Dakota, and my husband will be home soon, and we have a date to have a pre-vacation FIGHT which will NOT be helped by the fact that I am seriously frustrated WITH MYSELF for not getting as much done this morning as I wanted/needed to.)

So... winners. I have to admit that I thought of skipping the whole Random Number Generator and just.... picking some numbers out of my ass. But then I thought I'm not very random, and I'd probably pick some of my favorite numbers, and that just not fair. So um, hold on while I try to find this so-called website that will pick for me....

Scratch that. I found Random.org and fuck if I have time to figure out which number generator I need. Bitmap generator, sound generator, playing card shuffler... Also, I don't want and explanation of the "fuss about true randomness", ok? I JUST WANT A WINNER.

So instead I just asked my five-year-olds to each pick a number. And if that's not True Randomness, I don't know what is. We are talking about a couple of kids who moan incessantly about the scrapes on their feet as they ride away from me on their bicycles, barefoot- which is how they got scrapes on their feet to begin with FOR THE LOVE OF LARRY.

So our first winner is entrant number 10... Mimi All Me. Congrats! Shit, now I have to email you before I go.... *SIGH* Guess this means I'll have to put of packing a little bit longer.

Also, I won a contest from Erica at All Dressed Up, and I think it's been Well Established that these contest things are not my strong point, so instead of hosting another contest, which would probably happen on the Eve on Never, I'm just going to pick a second winner.

My second winner is number 20... Miss Sassy Pants. Oh SHUCKS. More emailing, less time to pack ETC.

Completely unrelated to contests, I've been loving hearing about every one's pubic hair. I am accumulating so much data- it seems everyone I've asked has asked their sisters/friends/cousins... I've learned so much! Also, I'm doing alot more gazing at my own, uh, you know.

Also, many of you pointed out that perhaps MY past life would reveal a death via dental chair, and while YES that's a good theory, I'm pretty sure, no I'm positive, my fears are a result of happenings in THIS life. (See also: sadistic motherfucker.)

Lastly, I was finally able to cash in on some birthday sex last night, after spending the last several days AVOIDING it due to the state of my husband's intestines and wanting to avoid any/ALL fecal disasters.

I know, what a lovely thought.

YOU ARE WELCOME.

Hey, winners, I'll be shopping for you while I'm in SD, so let me know- would you prefer miniature Mt. Rushmores or stationary featuring jackalopes?