Friday, July 11, 2008

I'm About To Drive 550 Miles In a Minivan With Three Kids, So Have Some Grace For Christ's Sake

*Tap, tap, tap* Is this thing on?.... Anyone there?????......

Didn't think so.

But I'm going to go ahead and announce the winner(s) of my PIF contest, and I KNOW it's a tad bit late, so pipe down. I've been busy over here, remembering creepy things from my past that were previously buried in my psyche and feeling very raw and unfocused. Also, watching LOST.

In fact, if I were to be completely honest, the only reason I am blogging at all is because my alternative is packing. And there are no new Lost DVD's from Netflix.

(I just barfed a little in my mouth.) (About the packing.)

(We are leaving in a few hours for South Dakota, and my husband will be home soon, and we have a date to have a pre-vacation FIGHT which will NOT be helped by the fact that I am seriously frustrated WITH MYSELF for not getting as much done this morning as I wanted/needed to.)

So... winners. I have to admit that I thought of skipping the whole Random Number Generator and just.... picking some numbers out of my ass. But then I thought I'm not very random, and I'd probably pick some of my favorite numbers, and that just not fair. So um, hold on while I try to find this so-called website that will pick for me....

Scratch that. I found Random.org and fuck if I have time to figure out which number generator I need. Bitmap generator, sound generator, playing card shuffler... Also, I don't want and explanation of the "fuss about true randomness", ok? I JUST WANT A WINNER.

So instead I just asked my five-year-olds to each pick a number. And if that's not True Randomness, I don't know what is. We are talking about a couple of kids who moan incessantly about the scrapes on their feet as they ride away from me on their bicycles, barefoot- which is how they got scrapes on their feet to begin with FOR THE LOVE OF LARRY.

So our first winner is entrant number 10... Mimi All Me. Congrats! Shit, now I have to email you before I go.... *SIGH* Guess this means I'll have to put of packing a little bit longer.

Also, I won a contest from Erica at All Dressed Up, and I think it's been Well Established that these contest things are not my strong point, so instead of hosting another contest, which would probably happen on the Eve on Never, I'm just going to pick a second winner.

My second winner is number 20... Miss Sassy Pants. Oh SHUCKS. More emailing, less time to pack ETC.

Completely unrelated to contests, I've been loving hearing about every one's pubic hair. I am accumulating so much data- it seems everyone I've asked has asked their sisters/friends/cousins... I've learned so much! Also, I'm doing alot more gazing at my own, uh, you know.

Also, many of you pointed out that perhaps MY past life would reveal a death via dental chair, and while YES that's a good theory, I'm pretty sure, no I'm positive, my fears are a result of happenings in THIS life. (See also: sadistic motherfucker.)

Lastly, I was finally able to cash in on some birthday sex last night, after spending the last several days AVOIDING it due to the state of my husband's intestines and wanting to avoid any/ALL fecal disasters.

I know, what a lovely thought.

YOU ARE WELCOME.

Hey, winners, I'll be shopping for you while I'm in SD, so let me know- would you prefer miniature Mt. Rushmores or stationary featuring jackalopes?

12 comments:

Flibberty said...

This post was hilarious, just to let you know!

LoriD said...

I'm exhausted after reading that. So funny!

moo said...

Everything about this was perfection, from the post title to the very last line.

Have a great trip!

Mimi said...

Oh yesssss! Your post was hilarious, and to top it off I won! I am so frickin excited, I'm going to email you my address right now.

Tracy said...

that was a seriously funny post. I felt like I was sitting across from you with a cup of coffee.(of course helping you procrastinate longer)

d e v a n said...

omg, I'm laughing so hard. I have to drive 2500 miles with 3 kids in a week. Wanna trade? I'm sure we'll both have super fun.

Swistle said...

All I have to say about this excellent post is the same thing I'm pretty sure I said before, which is that I love it that you guys can count on having that pre-vacation fight, and I love it even more that you refer to it as having a "date" to have that fight.

Jess said...

Hahaha! Oh dear woman you are in my prayers. Please say you have a dvd player and some benadryl.

Tina Davis said...

Good Luck on your trip!! Only a few weeks left until Jay and I have our annual 'only I can pack the van most efficiently' fight. I can't wait!

Me Today said...

FOR THE LOVE OF LARRY you cracked me up! Oh, and I didn't see any disclaimer to the use of MY line by the way. :) hee-hee.
Hope you're having fun in that fresh SD air with no bugs.
Let's get together when you get back.
Oh, and also - I loved your closing line!

Kelsey said...

I hope SD is/was fun -- you'll have to let us know how the drive went!

Erica said...

I'm climbing out of my pile of shame over not having mailed your package yet to tell you that I'm GOING TO MAIL IT TODAY.

Yes, TODAY. For I am a giant loser who single-handedly ruined the PiF process by waiting more than a MONTH to mail your prize.

*sigh*