Trying To Articulate It, Probably Failing

Things in Tiny Town have been really great lately, which is possibly why I have not been blogging much. Instead I have been spending my energies in relationships that I have with people here in town, which is healthier, I suppose, than whittling away my day online. However, I miss being here more, so hopefully I'll reach a balance soon where I have enough time/energy for both.

I feel like life is really blossoming for me right now. I have met or gotten to know several people- the exact kind of people that I so longed for not very long ago- the sort I could have sworn didn't exist here in Tiny Town. The energy that comes with new friendships is exciting and fresh and happy. Additionally, many of the friendships that I have that are not new, now feel more comfortable and solidified than before. I feel like this place, this town, this life is exactly where I am supposed to be. I cannot imagine living somewhere else, which says a lot coming from a girl who less than 3 years ago spent every second of every day plotting our family's escape from Tiny Town and going so far as to look at real estate in neighboring Bigger Town. (A move which would have added a commute to David's day along with giving him the disadvantage of NOT living in the town where he owns a business.)


It's ironic that this peace has washed into my life right now, considering that financially we are just squeaking by these days. We've never had a great deal of disposable income, but lately we've been more along the lines of "Oh crap, the kids need lunch money in their account... should we use a credit card?" This sudden lack of cash in the bank is due to 1)the aggressiveness that we are trying to pay off our medical debt and 2)the increase of all of our insurances (heath and home and vehicle) AND the increase in our utilities.

It's funny though, that despite being stressed about money, I've also been very grateful. The things we do have seem like luxuries, and I feel kindred to people who struggle financially on a more regular basis. I feel like this experience has given me an opportunity to grow, to redefine my life and what is important, to strip down to the core of who we are and what we want from life. We are intentional; we have clarity; we have direction.

Also, I'm learning that having that pit in your stomach of financial worry is really important to one's success. We are more motivated than ever to being frugal, to not wasting, to knowing where our dollars are going. Though I've never been a big spender, I have been a careless spender, so now I am learning about budgeting and coupons and needs versus wants. I know we are not the only ones that are tightening our belts lately (thank you Bush economy boom!), but this is a good lesson, and I am grateful for it.

When All Else Fails, Post Pictures Of The Children

First day of kindergarten. They look a little... nervous, don't you think?:

You guys, she is a total ham.:



Their backpacks are so huge, I'm afraid to put anything in them, lest the girls tip right over:

Daddy and Grandpa share a birthday. And no, I did not get grandpa's permission to post his picture on the internet. REBEL! (Alternate caption: Anyone up for some spit cake?):

Marin goes to school too!:

She even insists on bringing her "pack-pack":

Note to self- BRUSH YOUR HAIR. Jesus.:

Recipe

*Eat two (2) bean burritos for lunch
*Repeat for dinner, adding a bushel of fresh-from-the-garden cucumbers**
*For breakfast, eat a bowl of grapenuts. Also: large quantities of coffee.
*For morning snack, join your toddler in munching on some home-made all bran muffins. Drink more coffee.

If followed exactly, you will not have any movement issues, if you know what I'm saying and I think you do.

>>>>CHANGE OF SUBJECT<<<<

Amanda had her baby! I can't wait to see what she chooses to name the little honey!

**should read "fresh-from-your-MIL's-garden"

Adjusting

So, when school started last week, I would have written a letter that looked something like this:

Dear School Routine,

Welcome back! We were ready to give you time off last spring, and we embraced your substitute, Summer Routine. However, when Summer Routine went AWOL sometime around August 1st, we became a bit aimless. It was fun for a (short) while, but when you returned we were OH-SO-HAPPY.

Love,
The Greens

Now, if I were to write the same letter, it would go something like this:

Dear School Routine,

You have thoroughly kicked our asses. We are tired. We are crabby. You are a slave driving bitch.

*Middle Finger*,
The Greens

+++++++++++

Kate has been crying everyday at drop-off. When I leave (after a hojillion neck-strangulation-type hugs), she is fine. She loves kindergarten, in fact. But she's also nervous and anxious and sad to leave her mama for so long.

Joan skips into school like she is the most happy-go-lucky child ever to burst through those doors. She says to the teacher- "She's been crying everyday. _I_ don't know why. _I'm_ not crying." She says this shrugging her shoulders and eying Kate as if she is the most alien child in the class, instead of the twin sister WHOM SHE SHARED A WOMB WITH.

+++++++++

Marin says to me- "Mama. Sit. Play wif me."

*Blink, blink*

Um, Marin, perhaps you didn't get that memo, but I'm not the type of mama who plays with children. I'm here to wipe your nose, kiss your bumps, make you lunch, cuddle you before nap, take you on stroller rides, and put Elmo on the TV when you start driving me nuts.

She also says to me- "Come ON Mama. Let's go! Get Joan-Kate time!"

And it's only nine o'clock in the morning.

(Girlfriend needs a baby-sibling!)

First

Joan was happy-go-lucky. Kate was nervous and a little teary. I was cycling manically through being sad, relieved, ready, NOT ready, nervous, excited.

And that was on the night before the first day of Kindergarten.

When the big day arrived (yesterday), we all rose much earlier than we are used to and whipped through our new morning routine, almost without a hitch. After the first couple of hours of parent orientation, David and I left the school, holding hands, without our babies.

Kate cried a little before we left.

To my surprise, I didn't have any tears. I did well up a few times throughout the morning, but mostly I was thinking RIP THE BANDAGE OFF ALREADY. I've been emotionally preparing for this all summer (if not longer) so it was a relief to just DO IT.

Today was Day Two.

Kate cried more today and clung to me for awhile before agreeing to let me go.

Joan was annoyed when I kissed her goodbye.

I was doing fine today, until you people had to write all these incredibly beautiful posts. Damn you!

So now it's just Marin and me. I'm not sure how this new routine is going to roll, but I'm a little lost as to what to do with myself. I've decided to give up my afternoon nap in favor of going to bed earlier, so I now am the proud owner of 2-3 hours of childless time every afternoon. I can't leave the house, as Marin is napping, but I can.... blog! and clean! and... put some thing in the mail! and.... um?... Anyone?