More Barfing

So, I mentioned this in the comments of my last post, but ANOTHER child puked in Kate's class yesterday.

And then last evening guess who else threw up? (Nope, not Kate, THANK YOU BABY JEBUS.)

ME.

And I was home alone with the kids, and *I* was nearly PHOBIC- not about barfing- but about my kid finding out about my barfing. (I'm fine. It was head cold/heartburn related, I think.)

Kate handled herself well during the school-barfing incident yesterday. She held her breath and said she felt shaky for about 5 minutes. The teacher said she was laughing minutes afterward, and later in the afternoon, her teacher had her send me an email.

Success, right?

UM. NO.

Yesterday afternoon Kate and I had a long talk about it. And I just want to point out that I'm very aware of putting too much energy into something like this, and then having what was once a legitimate fear transform into an attention seeking behavior. So it's not like I'm constantly stroking Kate over this fear, or make a huge deal about it, or whatever.

In fact, after the panic attack, we never really talked about that incident again. Kate is an intuitive child, and if I asked her about it she'd probably extrapolate that panic attacks are WORRISOME and that she better start WORRYING. In fact, I never even told that that incident was called a panic attack. I remember from by brief foray into psychology that often times panic attacks are caused by panicking over having a panic attack.

But anyway, I did make a point to talk to her yesterday. Thanks to many of your ideas (thank you thank you thank you!) I suggested things she could do if someone was throwing up (close her eyes, turn away, cover her ears, go into the hallway).

I told her that she has been handling herself GREAT, and that she should be proud of how well she's dealt with it. She told me her teacher said the same thing, and that she DID feel proud of herself.

We talked about how LOTS of people are afraid of throwing up, and how most people are only really afraid of it for awhile and then the fears go away. (See what I just did there? AM GENIUS).

We talked about getting a book about the digestive system to help her understand why people throw up.

She even said that perhaps she would stop asking her friend to describe the vomit color to her. This actually made me laugh.

It was a good talk.

But by bedtime she was a MESS. Sobbing, not wanting to go to school. Wishing school had never been invented. Wishing she was her little sister so she could stay home with me.

(She would have been acting this way with or without our "talk", I'm positive.)

This morning she sobbed all through getting ready, didn't eat a thing, and was begging to stay home. She said she was sick. I made her go to school anyway.

In fact, I took her to school. She refused to get out of the car, so I helped her out and agreed to walk her into the building. Usually at this point she pulls herself together, but today she was clinging to me and sobbing. Her teacher "invited" me to stay and read to the students (I was in yoga pants, a baseball cap, with totally unwashed face and teeth. GAH!). I read for awhile, while Kate cried.

She kept insisting she was sick. Her teacher and I insisted that she try school for awhile and if she still felt sick she could call me.

And then I left. And she cried some more, hugging her teacher.

But I can't let her stay home for feeling anxious because that will create a huge problem. Kate is an anxious kid by nature, and would rather NEVER leave her mother, and man. It felt harsh, but I knew she just HAD to go.

Plus, her teacher is about the awesomest teacher EVER, so I know she's in good, loving hands.

But you know what? If she IS sick, I'm going to feel like the BIGGEST ASS EVER.

(And PS to the teacher's aide: Thanks for giving me that "Tsk, tsk" look and saying to me "You just need to leave" and saying with your eyes that my presence was making it worse. I needed to feel MORE LIKE SHIT, standing around in my furry teeth and yoga pants, about how the morning was playing out. Having my kid clinging to me and sobbing is not exactly MY IDEAL MORNING, either.)

(And PPS- I'm going to marry Kate's teacher, just as soon as I can get up the guts to ask her. I've never proposed before... ideas?)