Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Food Fights

The Girls Who Wouldn't Eat
Anything

Once upon a time, there were three little girls that were extremely picky eaters.

Like, E-X-T-R-E-M-E-L-Y picky.

Their sweet, educated, smart, funny mother knew better than to make An Issue of it, so she she fixed them healthy meals and tried not to get her feelings hurt when they whined, complained, and usually flat-out refused everything, save for the six or so "approved food items".

("Approved items" included apples, cheese, bread, grapes, and candy. Oops, only five items were on the list.)

Their sweet, educated, smart, funny mother knew how difficult The Food Issue could be, and was very nervous about Doing Something that might, in the future, cause Catastrophe. As in, for example, an Eating Disorder.

So she lived with three picky, whiny, meal-refusing little ingrates.

For YEARS.

And YEARS.

Until one day she snapped. During that week, her angelic (looking) daughters had refused: cheese pizza, macaroni and cheese, homemade bread, and sandwiches made exactly how they (used to) like them. During that week, they also (of course) refused all of the other food that was offered (anything that grew in the ground or on a tree for sure, plus all kinds of other stuff). But it was the "kid friendly" and previously acceptable foods that, when now snubbed, made her loose her mind.

Just a little.

Right then and there, she decided that her children were going to EAT their MEALS including VEGETABLES and that was the end. of. the. story. She was willing to go to any measure to FORCE them to eat, including but not limited to: mean threats, scare tactics, and force feeding.

The children, at first, balked. Who was this woman, who was now MAKING them eat delicious, organic, local, and freshly prepared meals? Where was the processed food of their dreams? Suddenly, that mac-n-cheese was looking mighty tasty.

Luckily for everyone, the little girls were bright children, and it didn't take them long to realize that MOMMY WAS SERIOUS. Had they read The Divine Secrets of the Ya-ya Sisterhood, they may have had visions of rubber-hose beatings dancing in their heads. But they hadn't read that book. Even so, they had the good sense to realize that Pushing Mommy Further might not be a Good Idea.

So, they ate their vegetables and their meals.

And they did not die.

In fact, the vegetables actually tasted... well, if not DELICIOUS, then simply good. Fresh. Crunchy. (Not that they would ever openly admit this. They did, after all, have reputations to consider.)

Their sweet, educated, smart, funny mother knew that, according to each and every child-expert, forcing a child(ren) to eat was a bad idea. She was, as previously mentioned, educated and smart (as well as sweet and funny). Therefore, she tried not to gloat too much over her success.

However, less than a week after Operation: Forcing Them To Eat began, she couldn't help but feel smug when her precious daughter opened her beautiful mouth and uttered More green peppers, please.

In fact, as she fell to the floor in shock and pride, she watched with fascination as the heavens parted and the angels began to sing.

The End

8 comments:

Jess said...

YES. Now THIS is a happily ever after scenario. At least, I hope it lasts until ever after.

Tess said...

It is so hard to describe how COMPLETELY, mind-blowingly frustrating it is to cook a huge meal that NO ONE EATS. Argg!

LoriD said...

I wonder if this would have worked from the start, or if it was just the right time to start the operation?

Although my kids eat well, I still keep putting things on their plates they don't care for (small amounts). For example, they used to refuse eggs, but I routinely made them try little bits of scrambled egg whenever I was making it. Now, all three will sometimes request eggs for breakfast!

I wish you continued success with your girls!

d e v a n said...

This is awesome!
I absolutely hate it when I cook a big meal that makes the kids turn their noses up. ugh

Shelly Overlook said...

I LOVE this!

Also, do you make housecalls?

Sunny said...

**HUGE HIGH FIVE TO SUPER-MOMMY!!!!**

Becki D said...

Love this! Pretty amazing what we can do when we stop listening to "The Experts" and remember that WE ARE The Experts, at least of our own children! :-)

Mimi said...

I love this so much. SO MUCH. I'm so motivated to start making my kids eat now too!