Gone Babies, Gone

Weirdest thing happened today. About 2 hours ago, I watched my dad back his vehicle out of my driveway, with my 3 kids tucked safely in the backseat. They were off on an adventure! And I am child-free for a week (eeps!)- the big girls are going all the way to the Black Hill with my dad, and little Marin is meeting up with my Grandma along the way and spending the week with her.

So... my house is empty.

Since birthing the twins some 6.5 years ago, we have never been this long without our children. We've had a few nights with the kids away, but usually this coincided with some project (i.e.: will you take our kids overnight so we can paint X room?). But this time, the kids are gone, and we have no major projects or plans.

To say I was sad to see them go would not quite be true... Perhaps I'm just on the cusp of being sad; just on the verge; just teetering on the edge of it, but not quite there.

I also can't say I'm excited. Because I'm just a few centimeters away from that too.

I think perhaps I'm just a bit unmoored. Distracted by the silence. Distracted by the possibilities.

Should I: Paint some furniture? Clean/reorganize the office? Move those bookshelves? Go thrifting? Take a nap? Go to Bigger Town early to shop before work tonight? Clean up the kids' packing-to-leave debris? Buy some paint for the dining room? Remove more wallpaper? Go out to lunch with David? Go out to lunch with a friend? Shop for some raspberry bushes? Give Coco a bath? Rent a movie from Redbox? Finish my book for book club? Make cheese? Go for a long walk/jog? Take a shower? Get my haircut? Fix the screens on the porch? Make some lunch? Make an iced coffee? Make a to-do list? Catch up on email? Catch up on facebook? Catch up on blogs? Get a pedicure? Reorganize/throw out/donate the toys? Clean the garage? Go for a bike ride? Go on a date? (and if so where?)...

Should I do one or three or five of those things today? How about this week? Which should I do, and in what order?

I a bit anxious and edgy and jittery. Totally not the reaction I thought I'd have to this long awaited week of personal freedom.

Also: what the hell did I do with my time all those years of my life before I had children? I've pondered this many times, and I still cannot recall the answer.

In any case, I may not be quite clear in my head about how I'm going to spend this time, but I do feel happy/blessed/excited for my children, that they have the opportunity to spend time with family members, to build those relationships, to have a week of adventures and memories, to be doted on and spoiled a bit. And I'm excited for David and me too- however we end up spending our time.

Cheers!