This weekend was family camp, a Christmas gift from David's parents. We (meaning 6 out of 8 siblings, their spouses and kids, and David's parents) spent the weekend together and the most beautiful spot in Minnesota that I have seen to date. (Well, ok, the most beautiful besides the entire BWCA.) The bluffs were pristine and covered with meadows and trees, the camp staff were amazing helpful and heartbreakingly good natured, and the campfires were populated with plenty of the wild and fun "church camp songs" that I am so dorkishly in love with. (I was also dorkishly in love with our family's personal counselor, Susan. She was basically our nanny for the weekend, and I nearly drugged her and brought her home with us.)
I am a camp counselor at heart. A counselor without any campers. It is one of my life's greatest tragedies: that I never worked at a church camp. I would have ROCKED that job.
Then, my doula client delivered! Her birth is her story to tell, but I will say this: Her birth scared me silly. Should dystocia: baby was stuck. There was yanking and cutting and pushing on her belly and still baby was stuck. There was calm, level headed doctors and nurses, but just below the calm I could see the panic in their eyes. There were calls for backup. There was more pulling and more cutting and more pushing- two nurses pushing now. That baby was still stuck! Finally, finally, baby girl was free. My legs shook for an entire hour afterward. And then later, when I was debriefing with a few other doulas, they began to shake again. BUT, there is one more healthy beautiful baby girl in the world. And I had the honor of witnessing her arrival.
Finally, Couch to 5K? Well, today will be MY day 1. I have new(ish) shoes. I have a new watch (Anne's contribution. Because she's cool that way). I have my Tshirt that says "Swistle made me do it." I have the desire, at least for now. Next, I need to actually look at the program and figure out what exactly it is I agreed to do. And something about pod casts? Also, WHEN today I'm going to get to it, I'm not quite sure. But I'm not quitting... yet.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Good Life
I could spend a huge amount of time recounting all of the ways my life is not at all like I expected. Take having twins, for example. Or living here in Tiny Town, for what seems more and more like the duration of our parenting years. Or living SO FAR away from East Coast Anne.
There are also so many ways that raising kids turned out to be different. Before kids, I would have calmly explained to you that ALL children needed naps, until at least age 5, and if they were not napping it was because of the parenting, not the child. AHEM. Joan and Kate stopped napping at around age 2, despite all of my best efforts.
Or, I would have rolled my eyes and told you that a 4 year old was simply not capable of having a crush on a boy. That is, until my own 4 year old spent her first year of preschool pining after her beloved Drew. She told me every detail of HIS day, never anything about what she herself did. She blushes when she talks about him (Still. She hasn't seen him in 2 months!). She told me, quietly and sheepishly, that maybe someday she would marry him. She got a snapshot of herself on trike day that just happens to have Drew in the background. She stares at the picture all the time.
I never thought I'd have a minivan, or Postpartum Depression/Anxiety/whatever it is, or be blogging.
Since I suspect I'll often use this space to belly-ache about life's curve balls, I decided today to make a list of the things that are better than I ever dreamed. Here it is:
1. My husband is such a fine example of the boy gender. He is kind, gentle, eternally patient, and has excellent family values. He does not enable me. He is level headed and logical. Living with him is the most emotionally healthy living arrangement I've ever had. He rocks.
2. My kids are such wonderful surprises- perfectly selected by a wise and wonderful God for our family. I love watching Marin starting to fit in with her sisters. I love that they all have each other.
3. We live in a big old brick house. It has big rooms, high ceilings, foot deep crown moldings, and built ins. It also has miles and miles of ugly wall paper to remove, and peeling paint on the gutters, and screens that need replacing in the porch. But. I puffy pink heart my house.
4. Our kids have a swing hung from a giant oak tree in our yard. David uses a brick, tied to a rope, and throws it over a thick, high branch. It is the highest swing I have ever seen. The kids FLY in it. (And hopefully, the rope never breaks.)
5. Our house smells like toast and lavender and garlic, with a little of that old house smell.
6. The girls' first "bikes" were red Radio Flyer tricycles with blue and white streamers. They have baskets attached and a bell to ring. No princess/Barbie bikes in this house. (Have I mentioned how much I hate effing Barbie?)
7. Speaking of bells, David installed an old fashioned door bell on our front door, low enough for the kids to reach- the kind where you turn the metal knob, which creates the ringing noise. It's a near replica of the one David used to ring at his grandma's house as a child.
8. Our neighborhood is full of old houses, big trees, and sidewalks. I am not a split-level-in-a-cul-de-sac kind of girl. On Halloween, with the costumed children and fallen leaves and the jack-o-lanterns, it's just like a set on a movie.
9. It took me a long, long time to like being a SAHM. Now, I have so many friends here. I never dreamed I would like it here so much. (But Target Headquarters? If you're reading? Could you please build in Tiny Town?)
10. Our town has an adorable downtown area, where David's business is located. At Christmas time, they tastefully decorate the lamp posts with wreathes and garland. Again: movie set.
Ok, now it's your turn. What about your life is better than you expected? Leave me a comment, or write your own post and I'll link to it...
There are also so many ways that raising kids turned out to be different. Before kids, I would have calmly explained to you that ALL children needed naps, until at least age 5, and if they were not napping it was because of the parenting, not the child. AHEM. Joan and Kate stopped napping at around age 2, despite all of my best efforts.
Or, I would have rolled my eyes and told you that a 4 year old was simply not capable of having a crush on a boy. That is, until my own 4 year old spent her first year of preschool pining after her beloved Drew. She told me every detail of HIS day, never anything about what she herself did. She blushes when she talks about him (Still. She hasn't seen him in 2 months!). She told me, quietly and sheepishly, that maybe someday she would marry him. She got a snapshot of herself on trike day that just happens to have Drew in the background. She stares at the picture all the time.
I never thought I'd have a minivan, or Postpartum Depression/Anxiety/whatever it is, or be blogging.
Since I suspect I'll often use this space to belly-ache about life's curve balls, I decided today to make a list of the things that are better than I ever dreamed. Here it is:
1. My husband is such a fine example of the boy gender. He is kind, gentle, eternally patient, and has excellent family values. He does not enable me. He is level headed and logical. Living with him is the most emotionally healthy living arrangement I've ever had. He rocks.
2. My kids are such wonderful surprises- perfectly selected by a wise and wonderful God for our family. I love watching Marin starting to fit in with her sisters. I love that they all have each other.
3. We live in a big old brick house. It has big rooms, high ceilings, foot deep crown moldings, and built ins. It also has miles and miles of ugly wall paper to remove, and peeling paint on the gutters, and screens that need replacing in the porch. But. I puffy pink heart my house.
4. Our kids have a swing hung from a giant oak tree in our yard. David uses a brick, tied to a rope, and throws it over a thick, high branch. It is the highest swing I have ever seen. The kids FLY in it. (And hopefully, the rope never breaks.)
5. Our house smells like toast and lavender and garlic, with a little of that old house smell.
6. The girls' first "bikes" were red Radio Flyer tricycles with blue and white streamers. They have baskets attached and a bell to ring. No princess/Barbie bikes in this house. (Have I mentioned how much I hate effing Barbie?)
7. Speaking of bells, David installed an old fashioned door bell on our front door, low enough for the kids to reach- the kind where you turn the metal knob, which creates the ringing noise. It's a near replica of the one David used to ring at his grandma's house as a child.
8. Our neighborhood is full of old houses, big trees, and sidewalks. I am not a split-level-in-a-cul-de-sac kind of girl. On Halloween, with the costumed children and fallen leaves and the jack-o-lanterns, it's just like a set on a movie.
9. It took me a long, long time to like being a SAHM. Now, I have so many friends here. I never dreamed I would like it here so much. (But Target Headquarters? If you're reading? Could you please build in Tiny Town?)
10. Our town has an adorable downtown area, where David's business is located. At Christmas time, they tastefully decorate the lamp posts with wreathes and garland. Again: movie set.
Ok, now it's your turn. What about your life is better than you expected? Leave me a comment, or write your own post and I'll link to it...
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
10 Months
Marin is 10 months old today.
She's been outside of my body as long as she was in it, and part of my daily thoughts for 20 months now. How is this possible?
Last year at this time, the anticipation of his (I was SURE she was a boy) arrival was so thick and rich and delicious. The waiting drives me crazy, but it's also so fun. I was big, and having contractions often, and worried, and trying to do about 100 projects before my due date. I was getting SO MUCH MORE sleep then!
So what I need your help with is this: I need to convince David that we should have one more baby. If we do not, I will surely cause Marin some degree of psychological damage by mourning her every milestone. I just simply have not had my fill of the magic of adding to our family.
David is SURE we are done. I'm thinking, at least in part, that his convictions come from wanting to go in for the Ol' Snip-Snip and then be able to have SEX! WITHOUT! PROTECTION! whenever we wanted. See, I'm not so sure it's about the number of children as much as it's about the amount of sex. He figures that adding another baby adds YEARS to his free sex days. (And honestly, he's probably right.)
Any ideas of how to change his mind, other than, you know, putting out more?
+++++++++++
Night 2 of the Night Weaning went well. She woke at 2:30, as usual, put up a small protest that David appeared crib side and not Mommy, and went back to sleep until 5:15am. After nursing, she slept until about 7am. I'm not sure, but I think she might be reading my blog.
+++++++++++
My doula client has not yet delivered. Her actual due date was only a few days ago, but everyone, including her Dr. thought she would deliver early. The waiting continues...
She's been outside of my body as long as she was in it, and part of my daily thoughts for 20 months now. How is this possible?
Last year at this time, the anticipation of his (I was SURE she was a boy) arrival was so thick and rich and delicious. The waiting drives me crazy, but it's also so fun. I was big, and having contractions often, and worried, and trying to do about 100 projects before my due date. I was getting SO MUCH MORE sleep then!
So what I need your help with is this: I need to convince David that we should have one more baby. If we do not, I will surely cause Marin some degree of psychological damage by mourning her every milestone. I just simply have not had my fill of the magic of adding to our family.
David is SURE we are done. I'm thinking, at least in part, that his convictions come from wanting to go in for the Ol' Snip-Snip and then be able to have SEX! WITHOUT! PROTECTION! whenever we wanted. See, I'm not so sure it's about the number of children as much as it's about the amount of sex. He figures that adding another baby adds YEARS to his free sex days. (And honestly, he's probably right.)
Any ideas of how to change his mind, other than, you know, putting out more?
+++++++++++
Night 2 of the Night Weaning went well. She woke at 2:30, as usual, put up a small protest that David appeared crib side and not Mommy, and went back to sleep until 5:15am. After nursing, she slept until about 7am. I'm not sure, but I think she might be reading my blog.
+++++++++++
My doula client has not yet delivered. Her actual due date was only a few days ago, but everyone, including her Dr. thought she would deliver early. The waiting continues...
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Night One: Small Victory
It seems that sleep issues and babies is one hot topic. It's so mutli-layered and complex that it's mind boggling. Here's a list of possible causes of Marin's night waking:
- teething
- eating too much dairy during the day = upset stomach
- genetics = upset stomach (this kid has had tummy problems her whole life)
- got into bad "habits" when she had her 1st ear infection at the beginning of July, and is now "used to" being up a lot at night
- learning to stand and possibly walk soon = Must! Practice! While! Sleeping!
- her recent separation anxiety makes her need Mommy all night
- she really IS hungry at night, since she hasn't been eating many solids during the day
These are just the possible causes that come to my mind without even thinking. Any of them are valid, but we've decided to focus on the fact that when she was sleeping all night, she was also eating better during the day. Now, she eats very little solids foods during the day but nurses all night. So! We've decided that if I nurse her less at night, she'll readjust and return to consuming more calories during daylight hours. This is our working theory, anyway.
BTW, we do not subscribe to the Ferber method in our household. Every family, baby, situation, circumstance is different, and I know it has worked for some people. But it is not a technique that we are comfortable with. Instead, our night weaning plan will include comfort and plenty of cuddling- from Daddy- and NO MILK from Mommy. Here it is:
Green Family Night Wean Plan:
(this sounds way more "official" than it is- we're winging it, people.)
So last night was Night 1. We decided that I would not nurse her until at least 4am. If she woke before then, David would go in and offer comfort and pacifiers and rocking, but no milky.
She woke, as usual, at 2:30 am. David went in and she put up a good fight... for about 3 minutes. Then everything was quiet, and soon they were both sleeping in the rocker. David came back to bed about 1/2 hour later.
She woke again at 4:15 and I was FULL, so I decided to nurse her. She WAS hungry. Then she nursed again at 5-something and again at 6:30... but at least she went back to sleep until about 7:30.
And! She ate such a good breakfast. She was clearly more hungry for food. I went grocery shopping today and got a few more new finger foods to try (waffles, cottage cheese, rice cakes), and I plan on filling her up today.
So, it was a small victory. She did wait to nurse until 4am like I hoped, but then kept me awake for the rest of the morning, which I had not wanted.
Tonight we'll try for 5am and see how that goes. Oh, and David commented today "I'm glad she didn't wake up again, because I was just too tired to go in there again." Ummm?.... Yeah, it's brutal. This is how I've been living for a WHOLE MONTH. This is why it's YOUR TURN. This is why we are NIGHT WEANING. Because I can't do it ANYMORE. You got up with her ONE TIME. Yeah, no sympathy here. But I did almost snort with held back laughter!
And for the record, he is excellent to go along with this plan. He is kind and patient with the baby at night (at least he was during our last round of Night Weaning: Twins Edition), and he DOES work very hard during the day, w/o the chance to rest or nap like I have. I'm just sayin'. I have no sympathy for complaining about being tired, but I love him to pieces.
- teething
- eating too much dairy during the day = upset stomach
- genetics = upset stomach (this kid has had tummy problems her whole life)
- got into bad "habits" when she had her 1st ear infection at the beginning of July, and is now "used to" being up a lot at night
- learning to stand and possibly walk soon = Must! Practice! While! Sleeping!
- her recent separation anxiety makes her need Mommy all night
- she really IS hungry at night, since she hasn't been eating many solids during the day
These are just the possible causes that come to my mind without even thinking. Any of them are valid, but we've decided to focus on the fact that when she was sleeping all night, she was also eating better during the day. Now, she eats very little solids foods during the day but nurses all night. So! We've decided that if I nurse her less at night, she'll readjust and return to consuming more calories during daylight hours. This is our working theory, anyway.
BTW, we do not subscribe to the Ferber method in our household. Every family, baby, situation, circumstance is different, and I know it has worked for some people. But it is not a technique that we are comfortable with. Instead, our night weaning plan will include comfort and plenty of cuddling- from Daddy- and NO MILK from Mommy. Here it is:
Green Family Night Wean Plan:
(this sounds way more "official" than it is- we're winging it, people.)
So last night was Night 1. We decided that I would not nurse her until at least 4am. If she woke before then, David would go in and offer comfort and pacifiers and rocking, but no milky.
She woke, as usual, at 2:30 am. David went in and she put up a good fight... for about 3 minutes. Then everything was quiet, and soon they were both sleeping in the rocker. David came back to bed about 1/2 hour later.
She woke again at 4:15 and I was FULL, so I decided to nurse her. She WAS hungry. Then she nursed again at 5-something and again at 6:30... but at least she went back to sleep until about 7:30.
And! She ate such a good breakfast. She was clearly more hungry for food. I went grocery shopping today and got a few more new finger foods to try (waffles, cottage cheese, rice cakes), and I plan on filling her up today.
So, it was a small victory. She did wait to nurse until 4am like I hoped, but then kept me awake for the rest of the morning, which I had not wanted.
Tonight we'll try for 5am and see how that goes. Oh, and David commented today "I'm glad she didn't wake up again, because I was just too tired to go in there again." Ummm?.... Yeah, it's brutal. This is how I've been living for a WHOLE MONTH. This is why it's YOUR TURN. This is why we are NIGHT WEANING. Because I can't do it ANYMORE. You got up with her ONE TIME. Yeah, no sympathy here. But I did almost snort with held back laughter!
And for the record, he is excellent to go along with this plan. He is kind and patient with the baby at night (at least he was during our last round of Night Weaning: Twins Edition), and he DOES work very hard during the day, w/o the chance to rest or nap like I have. I'm just sayin'. I have no sympathy for complaining about being tired, but I love him to pieces.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Sleepless, Headache, Night Wean?
Yep, Marin is STILL not sleeping.
I have a headache that's headed towards a migraine. I took so Excedrin, so soon I'll be all shaky and hopefully headache free.
I think I need to night wean this kid.
I remember doing this with the twins. Or at least, I remember that we did it, but I don't remember any of the details. I think I just decided I'm not going to nurse them anymore at night, so instead I would send David in to comfort them. After awhile, they quit waking so much; they realized they was no milk coming so they might as well sleep. At least, in my best-case-scenario mind this is how it went. As I said, I don't actually remember.
But I think we need to try it with Marin. She is up every 45 minutes or so, sometimes more, sometimes less, and all she want is the boob. In fact, she's spent most of her life using a combo of nursing and pacifier to go to sleep, but in the last few days she's started to refuse the pacifier, even when she's no longer nursing for food but just for suckling. This sparkling new habit may just drive me over the edge.
As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that these sleep issues are so complex and many layered and that I no longer want to talk about it. All I know is that she is getting worse instead of better. She's slowly chipping away at my opinion of her as an "easy" baby. Also, she used to sleep all night.
Send your good sleep vibes this way, ok?
I have a headache that's headed towards a migraine. I took so Excedrin, so soon I'll be all shaky and hopefully headache free.
I think I need to night wean this kid.
I remember doing this with the twins. Or at least, I remember that we did it, but I don't remember any of the details. I think I just decided I'm not going to nurse them anymore at night, so instead I would send David in to comfort them. After awhile, they quit waking so much; they realized they was no milk coming so they might as well sleep. At least, in my best-case-scenario mind this is how it went. As I said, I don't actually remember.
But I think we need to try it with Marin. She is up every 45 minutes or so, sometimes more, sometimes less, and all she want is the boob. In fact, she's spent most of her life using a combo of nursing and pacifier to go to sleep, but in the last few days she's started to refuse the pacifier, even when she's no longer nursing for food but just for suckling. This sparkling new habit may just drive me over the edge.
As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that these sleep issues are so complex and many layered and that I no longer want to talk about it. All I know is that she is getting worse instead of better. She's slowly chipping away at my opinion of her as an "easy" baby. Also, she used to sleep all night.
Send your good sleep vibes this way, ok?
Friday, July 20, 2007
Couch to 5K
Ok, well, I'm not quite sure what happened, what came over me, but Swistle proposed starting the Couch to 5K program... And I told her I'd join her.
Now, technically, I don't even "know" Swistle, nor she me, and also I could *say* I was doing it, and not do it. But you know, integrity, and trying to have it. Also, Swistle has a new baby, who is much younger than my baby, so if she can do it while living the "breasfeeding all night" lifestyle, than I'm going to have to get clever here.
So quick, give me some excuses, ummm I mean reasons, why I can't do it. Here's the list I have so far:
1. I'm tired.
2. My baby was up a lot last night, and I'm tired.
3. I read late into the night, my baby was up a lot, and I'm tired.
4. I got a new Netflix movie in the mail, and I watched it last night, and I'm tired.
See? Not very creative.
We're starting the 29th of July, for the 2 of my readers that do not also read Swistle. So if you want to laugh along, I mean, play along at home, let us know!
Now, technically, I don't even "know" Swistle, nor she me, and also I could *say* I was doing it, and not do it. But you know, integrity, and trying to have it. Also, Swistle has a new baby, who is much younger than my baby, so if she can do it while living the "breasfeeding all night" lifestyle, than I'm going to have to get clever here.
So quick, give me some excuses, ummm I mean reasons, why I can't do it. Here's the list I have so far:
1. I'm tired.
2. My baby was up a lot last night, and I'm tired.
3. I read late into the night, my baby was up a lot, and I'm tired.
4. I got a new Netflix movie in the mail, and I watched it last night, and I'm tired.
See? Not very creative.
We're starting the 29th of July, for the 2 of my readers that do not also read Swistle. So if you want to laugh along, I mean, play along at home, let us know!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
PPD... Or Was It?
Marin is not letting me sleep for more than about 2 hours at a time. Sometimes, it's more like 45 minutes between wakings. I am totally exhausted, and yet I'm still able to function. I feel like this sucks, but overall, I'm ok.
In a recent conversation with East Coast Anne I was saying how clear it is to me now that I had postpartum depression in the year(s) following the twins' birth. With them, in a similar sleep-deprived situation, I would have been feeling all panicky and desperate and totally stressed about how! I! was! going! to! make! them! sleep!
I had other symptoms too: feeling easily overwhelmed, feeling like I was wound too tight, feeling like I might snap at any time, feeling trapped, feeling easily discouraged, feeling like if one little detail of my world went array that my whole world would fall apart. I was anxious about the girls' nap schedules, their eating, their bedtime. I was rigid.
I was able to get out of bed, shower, and generally function. I did not think about suicide. I did not have any of the classic "symptoms" of depression. Most people, even David, did not easily recognize how tense I really was.
So my question is, was it depression? I've seen recently that they are now calling it Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. Is that what it was?
When my parents separated in May 2006 I started not sleeping. I was up worrying, and not really about the divorce, about anything. My OB suggested I try Zoloft, as it was good with both depression and anxiety. I am still taking it (a very low dose, and according to Lactation, safe for breastfeeding), and every time I've tried to go off of it I feel that familiar edginess. I feel *almost* out of control. So, daily Vitamin Z it is. Honestly, I feel so normal and calm and capable when I take it. (I am not endorsing this drug, blah, blah, blah, might not work for everyone, blah blah, talk to your own doctor blah blah.) (Also, Helllllooo, drug reps, how You doing? Call me, we'll work out a deal.)
I know many other moms who've experienced similar symptoms. Anne wondered if it was just "first time momness". Maybe for some, but in my case I am sure I could have benefited from some sort of medication.
Perhaps this thing is PPD, or perhaps it's something else. Something they'll come up with a clever name for in the future. If you have experienced something similar, would you describe it as depression, anxiety, or something else?
In a recent conversation with East Coast Anne I was saying how clear it is to me now that I had postpartum depression in the year(s) following the twins' birth. With them, in a similar sleep-deprived situation, I would have been feeling all panicky and desperate and totally stressed about how! I! was! going! to! make! them! sleep!
I had other symptoms too: feeling easily overwhelmed, feeling like I was wound too tight, feeling like I might snap at any time, feeling trapped, feeling easily discouraged, feeling like if one little detail of my world went array that my whole world would fall apart. I was anxious about the girls' nap schedules, their eating, their bedtime. I was rigid.
I was able to get out of bed, shower, and generally function. I did not think about suicide. I did not have any of the classic "symptoms" of depression. Most people, even David, did not easily recognize how tense I really was.
So my question is, was it depression? I've seen recently that they are now calling it Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. Is that what it was?
When my parents separated in May 2006 I started not sleeping. I was up worrying, and not really about the divorce, about anything. My OB suggested I try Zoloft, as it was good with both depression and anxiety. I am still taking it (a very low dose, and according to Lactation, safe for breastfeeding), and every time I've tried to go off of it I feel that familiar edginess. I feel *almost* out of control. So, daily Vitamin Z it is. Honestly, I feel so normal and calm and capable when I take it. (I am not endorsing this drug, blah, blah, blah, might not work for everyone, blah blah, talk to your own doctor blah blah.) (Also, Helllllooo, drug reps, how You doing? Call me, we'll work out a deal.)
I know many other moms who've experienced similar symptoms. Anne wondered if it was just "first time momness". Maybe for some, but in my case I am sure I could have benefited from some sort of medication.
Perhaps this thing is PPD, or perhaps it's something else. Something they'll come up with a clever name for in the future. If you have experienced something similar, would you describe it as depression, anxiety, or something else?
Monday, July 16, 2007
Fair Week
Oh my god, I'm so damn tired I can't even swallow. Marin is, well, adorable and sweet and so chubby and soft and KEEPING ME UP ALL NIGHT. Oh, never mind. I don't want talk about it. Instead, let's talk about the fair!
Wednesday marks the beginning of my most favoritest 5 days here in Tiny Town. The County Fair. Ohh, the snow cones, the junky carnival, the animal barns (especially the baby animal petting barn), the whole-town-is-there-ness, the Fireman Onion Rings, the kiddie tractor pull, and the kiddie coin find (where, for every wooden coin you find hidden in sawdust, the man gives you a REAL! QUARTER! This is Joan and Kate's wet dream.)
I just love moving my family from one picturesque setting to another. In my wet dream, my life would be one Kodak moment after another, with a silent and invisible photographer capturing it all. The fair, with it's 1950's simpler life feel, is Full. Of. Photo-ops. Sure, we arrive in our sleek Graco Metrolite instead of the family Oldsmobile, and the kids are wearing crocks and the teens are listening to IPods, but the 1950's feel still predominates. I'm telling you. Wet. Dream.
Also? It is usually so goddamn hot here this time of year that after a brief outing to the fair we come straight home to treat each other for heat stroke. But this year? It's so mild! We've had the windows open for weeks, I haven't seen any mosquito's, and the highs are upper 70's, low 80's. Sure our lawn is brown, and we're like 9 inches below our normal rainfall for the year, but cool breeze! Windows open! Who cares if you get slivers walking across the grass. Many people here are very irritated by this, for we are a people PROUD of our extreme weather, but I'll take it.
(Stay tuned for Wednesday's post, where I'll bitch and moan about how HOT is it here. Oh, gods of weather, please don't punish me for gloating.)
Wednesday marks the beginning of my most favoritest 5 days here in Tiny Town. The County Fair. Ohh, the snow cones, the junky carnival, the animal barns (especially the baby animal petting barn), the whole-town-is-there-ness, the Fireman Onion Rings, the kiddie tractor pull, and the kiddie coin find (where, for every wooden coin you find hidden in sawdust, the man gives you a REAL! QUARTER! This is Joan and Kate's wet dream.)
I just love moving my family from one picturesque setting to another. In my wet dream, my life would be one Kodak moment after another, with a silent and invisible photographer capturing it all. The fair, with it's 1950's simpler life feel, is Full. Of. Photo-ops. Sure, we arrive in our sleek Graco Metrolite instead of the family Oldsmobile, and the kids are wearing crocks and the teens are listening to IPods, but the 1950's feel still predominates. I'm telling you. Wet. Dream.
Also? It is usually so goddamn hot here this time of year that after a brief outing to the fair we come straight home to treat each other for heat stroke. But this year? It's so mild! We've had the windows open for weeks, I haven't seen any mosquito's, and the highs are upper 70's, low 80's. Sure our lawn is brown, and we're like 9 inches below our normal rainfall for the year, but cool breeze! Windows open! Who cares if you get slivers walking across the grass. Many people here are very irritated by this, for we are a people PROUD of our extreme weather, but I'll take it.
(Stay tuned for Wednesday's post, where I'll bitch and moan about how HOT is it here. Oh, gods of weather, please don't punish me for gloating.)
Friday, July 13, 2007
Doula Client
I have a doula client that is due any day, and it's making me crazy.
The first time I heard the definition of a doula, I knew that I wanted to be one. That was a couple of years before I got pregnant with Joan and Kate. So when I was pregnant, I was adamant that we would have a doula, even though my husband was skeptical. Now he's a banner waving believer. For both of my labors we've had the same doula; now she's also a dear friend.
I started the process of doula certification when Kate and Joan were about 18 months old. During that process I also got hired to teach childbirth classes. The two are a perfect match for each other. I am a birth junkie, surrounded by birth junkies, and I meet a new group of pregnant women (and potential clients) every 5 weeks. I cannot think of a better arrangement.
I love being a doula. I really, really love it. But it's also very hard. Basically, once a client contracts with me, I am on call for her until her baby is born. This means that, depending on their due date and when they contract, I'm on call for a month or two (sometimes even more). Usually people deliver close to their due date, except for when they don't. And there is no way to know this ahead of time.
I was so excited when this couple asked me to be their doula. It's always an honor, to be chosen to be present for such a special day. But, as usual, the excitement has worn off to be a vague dread. Will they call me tonight, just after I've fallen asleep? Will it be Sunday, when I'm enjoying my day with my family? Or worse, Tuesday, when I don't have many good daycare options?
The details overwhelm me. And yet, I feel called to do this work. Also, everything always works out. The other women I teach with are doulas too, and we always back each other up, if there is a conflict. The thing is, there is rarely a conflict. And always, always, always, once I get to the hospital, everything else disappears, and I am where I want to be in the world. It's the getting there that's hard. The transition of dropping my (very busy) life and entering the world of a laboring woman/couple can be a shock. However, I fall in love with every mom, every couple, every baby. I am high for days afterward. I am never "used to" the miracle of birth. If anything, I am more stunned each time I witness it.
The last birth I attended was very hard on my doula spirit. The doctor decided to do a Csection, due to baby's low heart tones (which means the baby is not handling labor well). The mama had some other underlying health concerns, so she was at peace with this decision. She was only dilated to 1 cm and had been in labor for about an hour, and yet she was happy to meet her baby sooner rather than later. One thing led to another, and her STAT Csection was delayed about 1 hour. When her baby was born, he was born limp, blue, and completely lifeless. He stayed that way for between 5-10 minutes. I stood there, frozen, video camera in hand, praying the life into that little body. They were bagging him (forcing oxygen into him). It was tense but very controlled. No one panicked. He's 3 or 4 months old now, and totally fine.
Since then I have not actively taken any clients. My family has had the medical year from hell, so I've felt my nurturing spirit was best used here at home. But when this very cute and sweet couple from my small group at childbirth class asked me to be their doula, I simply couldn't resist. And I am so excited to be there for them. But damn, it's hard to wait and wonder and not stress about how it will all work out.
But it ALWAYS does work out. It's just so hard to remember that sometimes.
The first time I heard the definition of a doula, I knew that I wanted to be one. That was a couple of years before I got pregnant with Joan and Kate. So when I was pregnant, I was adamant that we would have a doula, even though my husband was skeptical. Now he's a banner waving believer. For both of my labors we've had the same doula; now she's also a dear friend.
I started the process of doula certification when Kate and Joan were about 18 months old. During that process I also got hired to teach childbirth classes. The two are a perfect match for each other. I am a birth junkie, surrounded by birth junkies, and I meet a new group of pregnant women (and potential clients) every 5 weeks. I cannot think of a better arrangement.
I love being a doula. I really, really love it. But it's also very hard. Basically, once a client contracts with me, I am on call for her until her baby is born. This means that, depending on their due date and when they contract, I'm on call for a month or two (sometimes even more). Usually people deliver close to their due date, except for when they don't. And there is no way to know this ahead of time.
I was so excited when this couple asked me to be their doula. It's always an honor, to be chosen to be present for such a special day. But, as usual, the excitement has worn off to be a vague dread. Will they call me tonight, just after I've fallen asleep? Will it be Sunday, when I'm enjoying my day with my family? Or worse, Tuesday, when I don't have many good daycare options?
The details overwhelm me. And yet, I feel called to do this work. Also, everything always works out. The other women I teach with are doulas too, and we always back each other up, if there is a conflict. The thing is, there is rarely a conflict. And always, always, always, once I get to the hospital, everything else disappears, and I am where I want to be in the world. It's the getting there that's hard. The transition of dropping my (very busy) life and entering the world of a laboring woman/couple can be a shock. However, I fall in love with every mom, every couple, every baby. I am high for days afterward. I am never "used to" the miracle of birth. If anything, I am more stunned each time I witness it.
The last birth I attended was very hard on my doula spirit. The doctor decided to do a Csection, due to baby's low heart tones (which means the baby is not handling labor well). The mama had some other underlying health concerns, so she was at peace with this decision. She was only dilated to 1 cm and had been in labor for about an hour, and yet she was happy to meet her baby sooner rather than later. One thing led to another, and her STAT Csection was delayed about 1 hour. When her baby was born, he was born limp, blue, and completely lifeless. He stayed that way for between 5-10 minutes. I stood there, frozen, video camera in hand, praying the life into that little body. They were bagging him (forcing oxygen into him). It was tense but very controlled. No one panicked. He's 3 or 4 months old now, and totally fine.
Since then I have not actively taken any clients. My family has had the medical year from hell, so I've felt my nurturing spirit was best used here at home. But when this very cute and sweet couple from my small group at childbirth class asked me to be their doula, I simply couldn't resist. And I am so excited to be there for them. But damn, it's hard to wait and wonder and not stress about how it will all work out.
But it ALWAYS does work out. It's just so hard to remember that sometimes.
Monday, July 9, 2007
Like A Virgin... and Sevens
Feener over at MommyVents tagged me for my first Meme.
Yay, I'm really a blogger now!
Ok, so I'm tagging:
Black Sheep, as soon as she settles in from her honeymoon
Shauna, and her beach trip in her new car, or her loaner, you know, whatever. (Allen, are you reading this?)
My friend Irene, who has a blog but has not yet given me the URL. (If she does, I'll add it here later)
MommyBrain, since she has identical twin girls just like me
Brillig because I love her blog with all its slithy toves
Erin, to help her pass the time waiting for baby #2
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is this:
One: Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
Two: You need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names/pseudonyms/blogs.
8 Random Facts/Habits About Me:
1. I've had various interesting summer jobs (during college). I worked in a gold mine for 3 summers, giving tours and teaching people how to pan for gold. I am very good at panning for gold. I did advertising for a Branson style dinner theater, and ran the spot light during the show. I drank beer every night during the show with the sound guy, and our boss never knew. By the end of the summer we had filled a huge black garbage bag of beer cans out of sound/light booth.
2. I've never colored my hair.
3. I'm jealous of people who can give birth naturally. I've had two L-O-N-G labors, pushed for hours on end, and had 2 Csections.
4. My best friend and I have not lived in the same state since 1993. We have long distance DOWN!
5. I was a vegetarian for years. I did not crave meat at all. I was even a vegetarian during my twin pregnancy and through nursing twins. Then I started eating meat again, because it was so much easier to make dinner for my family that way. Also, I was the only non meat eater in like a 50 mile radius. Now, I love me some flesh, with my veggies.
6. I've never been on a diet. Sure, I've had health kicks where I exercise more and eat healthier, but I've never done SlimFast, or Weigh Watchers, or South Beach, or any of them. (Ahem, about that... well, let's just say it's high time for another health kick, um, like yesterday.)
7. The women that I work with as a doula and teaching childbirth classes are the healthiest group of women I have ever been a part of. Being with them every week makes me a better person, wife, and mother. They are my tribe, and getting a job there saved my life. Really. I love them so much I would marry them. All of them. But you know, I have David to consider...
8. I love newborns. I love having a baby in the house. I want another baby, but I don't want 4 kids. David does not want any more.
Yay, I'm really a blogger now!
Ok, so I'm tagging:
Black Sheep, as soon as she settles in from her honeymoon
Shauna, and her beach trip in her new car, or her loaner, you know, whatever. (Allen, are you reading this?)
My friend Irene, who has a blog but has not yet given me the URL. (If she does, I'll add it here later)
MommyBrain, since she has identical twin girls just like me
Brillig because I love her blog with all its slithy toves
Erin, to help her pass the time waiting for baby #2
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is this:
One: Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
Two: You need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names/pseudonyms/blogs.
8 Random Facts/Habits About Me:
1. I've had various interesting summer jobs (during college). I worked in a gold mine for 3 summers, giving tours and teaching people how to pan for gold. I am very good at panning for gold. I did advertising for a Branson style dinner theater, and ran the spot light during the show. I drank beer every night during the show with the sound guy, and our boss never knew. By the end of the summer we had filled a huge black garbage bag of beer cans out of sound/light booth.
2. I've never colored my hair.
3. I'm jealous of people who can give birth naturally. I've had two L-O-N-G labors, pushed for hours on end, and had 2 Csections.
4. My best friend and I have not lived in the same state since 1993. We have long distance DOWN!
5. I was a vegetarian for years. I did not crave meat at all. I was even a vegetarian during my twin pregnancy and through nursing twins. Then I started eating meat again, because it was so much easier to make dinner for my family that way. Also, I was the only non meat eater in like a 50 mile radius. Now, I love me some flesh, with my veggies.
6. I've never been on a diet. Sure, I've had health kicks where I exercise more and eat healthier, but I've never done SlimFast, or Weigh Watchers, or South Beach, or any of them. (Ahem, about that... well, let's just say it's high time for another health kick, um, like yesterday.)
7. The women that I work with as a doula and teaching childbirth classes are the healthiest group of women I have ever been a part of. Being with them every week makes me a better person, wife, and mother. They are my tribe, and getting a job there saved my life. Really. I love them so much I would marry them. All of them. But you know, I have David to consider...
8. I love newborns. I love having a baby in the house. I want another baby, but I don't want 4 kids. David does not want any more.
+++++++++++
My birthday was on Saturday (7-7-07!) and my big girls picked out a princess pinata for me. A Disney Princess Pinata. I know, totally my favorite. Then today, they were asking if we can have a pinata for Marin's bday in September. I said no, that's not a very good 1 year old activity, and besides babies can't even eat candy. Kate replied, "Well, YOU could eat the candy, and then Marin would get it in your milk." Ahh, that girl kills me.
Ok, so more about my lucky sevens birthday. We took the girls, all three of them (and I rarely leave Marin) to David's brother's house. Then David and I spent the day shopping in a very quaint little town. We had Indian food for dinner, and listened to live music, and bought some local art for our house. (We also ran into, like, 14 wedding parties. Newly weds are high jacking my day!) Other than my boobs nearly exploding from not feeding Marin, it was a fantastic day.
Oh, and I got an IPod from David. He rocks.
Friday, July 6, 2007
Your New Favorite Summer Drink (Nonalcoholic)
Pammy was here today, as planned, and it was fabulous, as expected. (Marin slept SOOOOOOO good last night. I bow to you, Oh Gods of Pink Bubble Gum Medicine.) We made pita pizzas with hummus and tons of veggies for us, and regular cheese pizza for the kiddos. We ate guacamole and black bean dip and baked a cake (the Better than Sex kind, you know with sweetened condensed milk, caramel, and topped with whipped cream and toffee bits). And then Pammy pulled off the drink of all drinks; it was so tastalicious that my mouth waters as I type this. Here's how:
Pammy's Lemon/Mint Slushie
Juice of 2 lemons (I don't have a juicer, she just used her hands)
1/3 to 1/2 cup of honey
5-7 mint leaves
Put in blender, add ice to fill blender and chop her up.
Taste, to make sure it's not too sour. Add more honey if needed.
Blend some more.
Pour slush into two tall glasses and enjoy.
Seriously, even if you don't particularly like honey or mint or lemon individually, together this is amazingly refreshing.
+++++++++++
Now that you have a yummy drink in your hand, mind if I bother you with one more question? Does any one else out there feel like our generation of parents are held MORE accountable for their kids than ever before. I'm thinking specifically of supervising the children, and how now days we parents are expected to NEVER let them out of our sight, even in our own homes.
When I was growing up, I played outside for the majority of the summer while my mom, and all the other moms, were inside. They fed us, and bandaged us if we needed it, and we had to come home when the street lights came on, but they certainly didn't watch us while we played. Even my cousins, who are high schoolers now, were allowed- expected even- to go out and play on their own. Back then, if kids got hurt it was because accidents happen and kids get hurt and that's just how things go.
As a parent today, I feel like magazines, parenting experts, and books all put the pressure on us parents to be there Every Second. I want to protect my kids from harm as much as the next guy, but the pressure to not allow them to get hurt is a little overwhelming. I feel like the attitude that sometimes kids get hurt has disappeared. Kate's broken arm is a perfect example. Everyone is always asking her/us what happened. Luckily, I can say- truthfully- that it happened at Grandma's. But their reaction is "Oh, I bet she feels terrible. I guess she'll be watching them like a hawk now." And I keep thinking, Um, No, she doesn't feel terrible because it was not preventable and sometimes shit happens.
For the record, I do allow the kids to play, both inside and out, when I am not right there. Yes, they have gotten hurt, and cut each other's hair, and colored on things they shouldn't have. Bad decisions have been made, and consequences have followed, but I feel like it's GOOD for them. I'm always within earshot, and I check on them regularly. Yet. I feel like if anything serious ever DID happen, I'd be to blame. Does anyone else feel this way? Do you allow your child/children to play unsupervised in your home? In your yard? At what age, if ever, is this ok? (Sure, babies and toddler DO need to be watched like hawks, but what about 4 1/2 year olds?)
Pammy's Lemon/Mint Slushie
Juice of 2 lemons (I don't have a juicer, she just used her hands)
1/3 to 1/2 cup of honey
5-7 mint leaves
Put in blender, add ice to fill blender and chop her up.
Taste, to make sure it's not too sour. Add more honey if needed.
Blend some more.
Pour slush into two tall glasses and enjoy.
Seriously, even if you don't particularly like honey or mint or lemon individually, together this is amazingly refreshing.
+++++++++++
Now that you have a yummy drink in your hand, mind if I bother you with one more question? Does any one else out there feel like our generation of parents are held MORE accountable for their kids than ever before. I'm thinking specifically of supervising the children, and how now days we parents are expected to NEVER let them out of our sight, even in our own homes.
When I was growing up, I played outside for the majority of the summer while my mom, and all the other moms, were inside. They fed us, and bandaged us if we needed it, and we had to come home when the street lights came on, but they certainly didn't watch us while we played. Even my cousins, who are high schoolers now, were allowed- expected even- to go out and play on their own. Back then, if kids got hurt it was because accidents happen and kids get hurt and that's just how things go.
As a parent today, I feel like magazines, parenting experts, and books all put the pressure on us parents to be there Every Second. I want to protect my kids from harm as much as the next guy, but the pressure to not allow them to get hurt is a little overwhelming. I feel like the attitude that sometimes kids get hurt has disappeared. Kate's broken arm is a perfect example. Everyone is always asking her/us what happened. Luckily, I can say- truthfully- that it happened at Grandma's. But their reaction is "Oh, I bet she feels terrible. I guess she'll be watching them like a hawk now." And I keep thinking, Um, No, she doesn't feel terrible because it was not preventable and sometimes shit happens.
For the record, I do allow the kids to play, both inside and out, when I am not right there. Yes, they have gotten hurt, and cut each other's hair, and colored on things they shouldn't have. Bad decisions have been made, and consequences have followed, but I feel like it's GOOD for them. I'm always within earshot, and I check on them regularly. Yet. I feel like if anything serious ever DID happen, I'd be to blame. Does anyone else feel this way? Do you allow your child/children to play unsupervised in your home? In your yard? At what age, if ever, is this ok? (Sure, babies and toddler DO need to be watched like hawks, but what about 4 1/2 year olds?)
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Things That Are Restoring My Will To Live... and Blog
1. Amoxicillin- After 4 nights of ZERO sleep from about 2am on, I finally said Uncle! and took Marin into the Doctor. See, she didn't have any symptoms, except a recurring fever, but damn I was tired. Anyway, Dr. said she has some redness in one ear, and that maybe for her, that was a "bad" infection. She couldn't find any other explanation for the fever, so we'll take it. And we'll also take the antibiotics. Cross your fingers that tonight will be restful.
2. Guacamole- Besides chocolate, this has got to be one of Earth's best foods. Can I get an Amen? I made some today, as a special treat for myself for puttering around Walmart while Marin slept, and I waited for her prescription. Do you know how badly I wanted to be sleeping while she was sleeping? Anyway, I ate... well, I'm not going to tell you how much, but if you see me and notice my shiny coat, you'll know it's from the guac.
3. Candy Corn (on the cob), fresh strawberries, blueberries, and cherries- The only other food that I wish was in season right now is peaches. Damn, I love summer eatin'.
4. Tribal Love- Pammy is coming over tomorrow for some more communal mommy-ness. So, no matter how much sleep I do or do not get tonight, I will have a lovely day tomorrow. And also someone to eat guacamole with. Maybe she'll even volunteer to wash some lettuce.
5. Yellow Baby PJ's- Can we just agree that all baby pj's should be yellow? There's just something so pure and honest about a baby in yellow sleepwear. I put Marin my favorite sleeper tonight, just so I'd feel all squishy about her. I needed to feel squishy about her, just in case she's up all night.
6. Pictures of Ballerina Hair- The bonus with this is that they like it too. Usually when I have an opinion about something they disagree with me. Ok, maybe not the best picture, but I'm trying here folks. (My kids have are going to flush my camera if I try any more to get good pictures of their hair. This was the best I could do.) Check it out:
Was your 4th of July lovely? Or at least restful? Ours was pretty close to ideal, except for the sick-ish baby and the tired parents. Our town has its Days (all small towns around here have their own Days during the summer), so we spent the afternoon at the park. We ate snow cones and kettle corn and listened to live music by people we know. Later, after chilling in the air conditioning for awhile, we walked to the Lake and watched the fireworks. We each had a warm body on our laps, and the baby snoozed, unaffected by the noise, in the stroller. It was so low key and nice that I would write more about it, if I didn't have so much lack-of-sleep grit in my eyes, and I wasn't dosing off at this very moment. Can we agree not to be to hard on me for typos, misspellings, and general lack of coherence and punctuation? Thanks so much.
2. Guacamole- Besides chocolate, this has got to be one of Earth's best foods. Can I get an Amen? I made some today, as a special treat for myself for puttering around Walmart while Marin slept, and I waited for her prescription. Do you know how badly I wanted to be sleeping while she was sleeping? Anyway, I ate... well, I'm not going to tell you how much, but if you see me and notice my shiny coat, you'll know it's from the guac.
3. Candy Corn (on the cob), fresh strawberries, blueberries, and cherries- The only other food that I wish was in season right now is peaches. Damn, I love summer eatin'.
4. Tribal Love- Pammy is coming over tomorrow for some more communal mommy-ness. So, no matter how much sleep I do or do not get tonight, I will have a lovely day tomorrow. And also someone to eat guacamole with. Maybe she'll even volunteer to wash some lettuce.
5. Yellow Baby PJ's- Can we just agree that all baby pj's should be yellow? There's just something so pure and honest about a baby in yellow sleepwear. I put Marin my favorite sleeper tonight, just so I'd feel all squishy about her. I needed to feel squishy about her, just in case she's up all night.
6. Pictures of Ballerina Hair- The bonus with this is that they like it too. Usually when I have an opinion about something they disagree with me. Ok, maybe not the best picture, but I'm trying here folks. (My kids have are going to flush my camera if I try any more to get good pictures of their hair. This was the best I could do.) Check it out:
Was your 4th of July lovely? Or at least restful? Ours was pretty close to ideal, except for the sick-ish baby and the tired parents. Our town has its Days (all small towns around here have their own Days during the summer), so we spent the afternoon at the park. We ate snow cones and kettle corn and listened to live music by people we know. Later, after chilling in the air conditioning for awhile, we walked to the Lake and watched the fireworks. We each had a warm body on our laps, and the baby snoozed, unaffected by the noise, in the stroller. It was so low key and nice that I would write more about it, if I didn't have so much lack-of-sleep grit in my eyes, and I wasn't dosing off at this very moment. Can we agree not to be to hard on me for typos, misspellings, and general lack of coherence and punctuation? Thanks so much.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Ballerina Hair
I have always wanted a daughter. I had Ideas of how I would raise a little girl, most of which revolved around feminism and not allowing Barbies into our home. Also, I have Issues with little girls and dance recitals. All the tiny gyrating hips and make-up and overly fancy costumes= gross. (Real ballet is beautiful and simple and not one bit about lipstick or turning your preschooler into a slutty teenager.) ANYWAY.
So now I'm a present day mother of three daughters. We still don't have any Barbies, but we do have lots of "princess" dress up clothes (almost as bad, but still). And we have Desires to take dance.
We've reached a compromise. They take dance during the summer, through community ed. There is no recital, therefore no $200 costume, no JonBenet Ramsey-ness, no pageant moms. I send them to class in simple leotards. And ballerina hair.
Oh, my god. I LOVE BALLERINA HAIR. LOVE.
(No picture... yet. But imagine 2 little buns, one on each side of the head. Two cute tiny perfect little buns. Perhaps I should mention that it has taken 4.5 years to grow enough hair to even require the use of a barrette, so the buns- well, many many people thought they'd never have enough hair for buns.)
So now I'm a present day mother of three daughters. We still don't have any Barbies, but we do have lots of "princess" dress up clothes (almost as bad, but still). And we have Desires to take dance.
We've reached a compromise. They take dance during the summer, through community ed. There is no recital, therefore no $200 costume, no JonBenet Ramsey-ness, no pageant moms. I send them to class in simple leotards. And ballerina hair.
Oh, my god. I LOVE BALLERINA HAIR. LOVE.
(No picture... yet. But imagine 2 little buns, one on each side of the head. Two cute tiny perfect little buns. Perhaps I should mention that it has taken 4.5 years to grow enough hair to even require the use of a barrette, so the buns- well, many many people thought they'd never have enough hair for buns.)
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