Marin is 10 months old today.
She's been outside of my body as long as she was in it, and part of my daily thoughts for 20 months now. How is this possible?
Last year at this time, the anticipation of his (I was SURE she was a boy) arrival was so thick and rich and delicious. The waiting drives me crazy, but it's also so fun. I was big, and having contractions often, and worried, and trying to do about 100 projects before my due date. I was getting SO MUCH MORE sleep then!
So what I need your help with is this: I need to convince David that we should have one more baby. If we do not, I will surely cause Marin some degree of psychological damage by mourning her every milestone. I just simply have not had my fill of the magic of adding to our family.
David is SURE we are done. I'm thinking, at least in part, that his convictions come from wanting to go in for the Ol' Snip-Snip and then be able to have SEX! WITHOUT! PROTECTION! whenever we wanted. See, I'm not so sure it's about the number of children as much as it's about the amount of sex. He figures that adding another baby adds YEARS to his free sex days. (And honestly, he's probably right.)
Any ideas of how to change his mind, other than, you know, putting out more?
+++++++++++
Night 2 of the Night Weaning went well. She woke at 2:30, as usual, put up a small protest that David appeared crib side and not Mommy, and went back to sleep until 5:15am. After nursing, she slept until about 7am. I'm not sure, but I think she might be reading my blog.
+++++++++++
My doula client has not yet delivered. Her actual due date was only a few days ago, but everyone, including her Dr. thought she would deliver early. The waiting continues...
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About Me
- Marie Green
- Tiny Town, MN, United States
- I am a mother of four, wife, doula, childbirth educator, and avid reader. My husband David and I have 10 year old twin girls (Jan '03) named Joan and Kate, and a 6 year old daughter (Sept '06) named Marin and a 1 year old named Olive. We are trying to live an honest, simple, and green life here in Tiny Town.
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4 comments:
I like "not had my fill of the magic of adding to our family."
I think I'd up-play the idea that a woman pining for a baby is not a woman who feels all wild-'n'-sexy about a vasectomy. A woman pining for a baby is a woman who weeps knowing that sex will Never Again lead to pregnancy--and perhaps tends to avoid sex or else be all mournful during it.
It's too bad you conceive so quickly, or you could up-play the "fun trying" aspect of baby-making.
Well, what worked for me in the past is to have a guy friend of his mention that it might be a good idea... maybe say how much he loves having 2 kids (hopefully you know someone who does); and also work the angle that she'll be alone when she's an adult, and could learn so much by having a sib.
But, as Dr. Phil says -- when you want another kid, it takes two yesses, and one no. You don't want to push him into anything, b/c he'll just throw it in your face whenever you complain later ("you wanted him/her!")
Is there one main reason why he doesn't want more? Money, time, energy... Or is it a bunch of factors? I'm not usually one to take a rational approach, but mybe if you can address his "why not" concerns, you can persuade him.
Also, what you said at my blog about wanting to smell the baby... I KNOW! I wish I could bottle the smell up and save it for later years.
David said...
So I guess it's my turn to put in my 2 cents...
While the sex part does interest me, I realize that I can't make a life changing decision based on it and it is not a primary reason for my interest in not having any more babies. I have seen the joys and benefits that babies and children have brought Marie and I, but I have seen the costs too. (and I don't mean just the $$$ costs) I've seen the stress and cost that having babies has put on Marie's body. (and maybe soul) I feel the time and financial cost it has on Marie, me, and all of us.
Obviously there are great rewards from children too, but I guess I feel that all of the reasons I wanted children have been met by the three children that we have. For me, a fourth will bring on another round of the stresses and costs, but not enough benefit reasons for me. But if we have another, I have to be dedicated to that child, period, weather it was intentional, accidental, agreed upon, or not agreed upon. Maybe a selfish part of me comes out, but I've dedicated myself to three already, I don't want to dedicate my time and energy to a fourth. So I guees it's not that I don't want anymore children, I just don't have enough want for more children.
Really, I know that the question of a fourth child will never be 100% answered until our youngest one is too old for us to have a baby in the house again, and that's a few years down the road. So we could answer it today, but it's never really off the table...
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