I am trying so hard over here to make the best of these last weeks of summer, to not wish away this time of spending more time with the children before school starts. But THEY are nothing but sniveling, whining, bickering, pestering, begging, FIGHTING little ingrates. THEY are obviously sick of each other, sick of me, sick of summer, ETC.
Everyday, I wake with the positive attitude that today, we will enjoy each other. Today, we will have peace. And I get out a project, say, painting rocks, and we are all quiet and happily absorbed in our creating. I feel zen-like and frankly, a little smug about being so in the moment.
And then, THEN, the very next minute, one child is grabbing something from another child, and that child is screeching and flailing about, and the third child is unable to NOT get involved, and in the time span of 3 seconds, everything is OVER.
THEY ARE DONE BEING HAPPY, KTHXBYE.
And as Swistle said, it's so frustrating, because I KNOW I will miss their young selves, their innocent voices, their small feet, their bodies small enough to sit on my lap.
But right now? I SWEAR TO GOD if one more child insists on SITTING ON MY BODY, or WHINING IN MY EAR, or FIGHTING WITH HER SISTER, I will walk out the door and not return.
At least, that is the fantasy.
I know from past experience that when I start having real escapist fantasies, it's bad. Not fantasies like "wouldn't it be cool to sleep in a bed by myself and wake when I was ready". But ACTUAL FANTASIES, where I can feel the car keys in my hands, where I can picture where exactly I would drive, and how exactly the kids and husband would feel when they realized I really did leave, and how much they would appreciate all I do after I've left, and what exactly I would do first when I reached my destination.
Like, almost plans.
But of course I won't leave, because these people are my life, the life I chose, the life I would be longing for if I didn't have what I have now.
They are precious to me.
And also, it must be said, that raising any child(ren) is difficult. It's not as if these children are any more or any less challenging than the next family's. And while it looks like other families have it all together, and don't have moments, days, WEEKS, like the one I'm having, I know from the honest conversations I've had with many moms this is their experience too.
Some of us are more open and honest about it than others, but we ALL are living the same experience, each in our own little box, each with our own dinners to cook, fights to referee, and escaping to dream about.
Finally, I heard or read an "expert" somewhere talking about the key to a successful marriage...
(It frustrates me that I cannot remember where.)
Anyway, he (or she) said that most people would say things like "trust and love" or "honesty and devotion" arethe most important elements in a healthy marriage. HOWEVER, it's sex and money that are the two most important things.
SEX and MONEY.
The "expert" said that if a couple cannot master these two things, THAT is when they are in trouble.
*excuse me while I pass out from laughing so hard I inhale my own spittle*
Because? While I believe that this is quite true, there is not a whole lot of SEX or MONEY going on over here.
Marital congress? Not so much.
Agreement/teamwork about spending? NOPE.
Am doomed.
Well, look at that. The children are pulling out each other's hair. Again.
Must go! Ta!
6 comments:
1. Me too on the escapist fantasies thing.
2. That expert is GOING DOWN.
Hmmmmm. that expert? Does not sound that 'exerty' to me. I agree that you do need agreement on those two components. But to say that they are most important? No way. I enjoy them both, but neither are what makes my marriage work. Or so I think.
And OMG, just this morning I was thinking that this last week or so has been hell for my older one, with these massive angry outcries for stupid reasons. And I was all, what the hell, where is all of this coming from and how do I get away from this? And I am not even with them 24/7 like you are... Hang in there, dear. Absense makes heart grow stronger. You will miss them when school starts, but you will be so much happier to see them and be with them after school, after you've had some time for yourself.
We are in that same space right now, where the "freedom" of summer is feeling sort of unbearable and we need school-imposed schedules and routines.
There is a lot of talk about mandatory all day kindergarten in Ohio next year, which means this will be the last time that Harper is not in school all day long, and yet, I cannot stop myself from telling her to just PLEASE GO AND PLAY IN ANOTHER ROOM because I cannot take the noise.
Lovely.
We are also doomed if that expert is correct because we do not have an abundance of either, not by a long shot, and don't always see eye-to-eye on them...
Oh, that "expert" thing at the end was awesome! Hah. Not much sex or money over here, either. More like comradery, occasional bickering/griping about state of finances, affectionate back pats, and lots of take out food and watching of Office reruns. The recipe for success!
Ugg, that Sex/Money thing is so depressing. Was the "expert" a MAN?
Sex and money, huh?
So THAT's whats going south here!!
My babies are all grown now- but i can honestly say I only had two moments while they were small that I had to walk out of the house and take a "time-out" from being a mommy.
And I'm so glad because two years ago i lost my youngest to an auto accident at age 23 and i would have hated to think that I regreted or had thoughts of regret about being their mom..... I DO miss them being little....even all the bickering and day to day life..... what's that the Country song says.."Sounds Like Life to Me".
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