Monday, December 14, 2009

Christmas Angst

We've been knee deep in all of the regular Christmas preparations around here lately.

Making cookies,

And lefsa,

Getting snow (10 inches, and a snow day already, beotches!),

And going shopping. David and I even hired his niece to babysit and went to the Mall of American. On a Saturday. In DECEMBER. Along with every other man, woman, and child within a 200 mile radius. It was nuts. Corrections: WE were nuts. But we got what we needed (see also: American Girl Dolls) and got o-u-t.

Admittedly, these two have not been much help. But at least they are cute.

So we've been going through all the motions. And it's been exciting. The thing is, as much as I like this time of year, I always get Christmas Angst at some point during the month. Things seem overwhelming, and the gift giving starts to feel empty no matter how hard we tried to keep integrity to it.

And it seems like there is too much to do and too few days. And that there will be no magic to Christmas; only more STUFF.

And that everyone else has cooler families, better kids, yummier treats, cuter Christmas clothes, cozier traditions, more commercial-like Christmas mornings, and less wrapping-paper-and-toy-packaging-filled rooms.

I start to feel like there are too many people's feelings to consider, too many places to go, too much merriment in too few days. And I want to do and see all of it.

For example, as I'm writing this, my mom is chatting with me on Facebook. She's letting me know that her boyfriend's daughter (whom we've never met) and her kids (whom we've also never met) are going to be staying at my mom's house on Christmas Eve. Which is where we will be staying. And she wants to know if we are doing gifts or stockings or both from Santa because she doesn't want those little girls to feel left out.

We were planning the American Girl dolls from Santa. And by GOD we spent all of Saturday procuring those sumbitches. But now I have to wonder if that's "fair" to a couple of kids I don't even know, and didn't know would be around, until 5 minutes ago?

Then my brother and his family has decided, at the 11th hour, that they will NOT be there but instead are going to his wife's family for Christmas*. And my kids are upset and I'm upset and I want to spend Christmas with my only niece and nephew and now we can't.

*This is actually against the "rules", as we have a schedule worked out so that we and they are in SD the same years, and at both of our in-laws on the other years. This is our year to be in Rapid City together. (Hint: I hate rule breakers.)

Grah. We leave on Saturday. As in, 5 days from now.

Much to do, much to do.

I will get back in the spirit soon. I think. But right now I'm all Bah-humbug.

Actually, more like FUCK THIS.


Sunny said...

You too? I mean it seems like this year EVERYTHING is all bass-ackerds. Sometimes tho- we need for things to be shaken up a bit to be able to appreciate it when we have GOOD times again. Right?
Well, that's what I'm telling myself, anyway.
Happy Holidays hun.....Breathe deeply......It'll be okay.
I think.....

Swistle said...

I get the Christmas Angst, too. Right now I'm all fretful because it's only a week and a half until Post-Holiday Letdown!

Things I love in these photos: the set of the lips of the girl helping with cookies; the way the twins incline toward each other and the baby stands straight; the sleeping posture of the ragdoll kitten.

Erin said...

Oh good. You opened up the comments!

I read this and was all, "YES," complete with big head nods.

In the struggle to make it all PERFECT and do it right, we totally lose the opportunity at all. Fucking OXYMORON. I keep reminding myself, "I LIKE Christmas. I do! I LIKE Christmas." Because I need to be repeatedly convinced every five minutes.

Erica said...

Ugh. There is NOTHING worse than incorporating new "family" members into holiday traditions or, Gawd forbid, losing your traditions to the new "family." I can totally empathize with you, sistah.

I'm going through the motions myself, but this is our poorest Christmas ever and I feel terrible that we can't lavish our family with gifts. I know that's not what Christmas is about, but STILL.

So, I'm right there with you. FUCK THIS, indeed.

Lurking seester said...

I have butterflies in my stomach awaiting your arrival.. Just remember, no matter how weird this Christmas is- I'm here so it will be fun. (I mean I will be staying at Brother's so it will be easier for me but I feel for you)

clueless but hopeful mama said...

Oh, I am there from time to time these days too. How am I supposed to add more activities and shopping and holiday parties and decorating into my life RIGHT NOW when it gets dark around 3 pm and all I want to do is sip tea and take a bath??

Also, I'm not sure what lefsa is but I WANT SOME.