Tuesday, January 5, 2010


Here's the thing about dealing with one's Family of Origin: things are so fucking loaded. Simple things. Seemingly innocent things. You're just merrily going along your life, and a single encounter with Family of Origin and WHAM. L-O-A-D-E-D.

You see, I'm still stewing about what happened between my dad's girlfriend and me on Christmas Eve. It started with a quick phone call to my grandma today (to see if she was still in South Dakota or if she'd left for her Southern Wintering State), and we get to talking, and now I'm back to fretting, arguing, and generally being pissed off, hurt, sad, upset, sick, miserable, ETC all over again.

Dad's girlfriend is really upset because there was not a photo of her in the "Green Family Album 2009" Shutterfly book I gave my dad for Christmas. I didn't have a decent photo of her; the book is a gift for my father; there are only a few pictures of my dad in the book; she simply didn't make it in.

I refuse to apologize. I didn't leave her out to hurt her feelings. I simply didn't choose her photo. I am, however, quite pissed that she 1) flipped through the book for 30 seconds, not even looking at the photos except to check to see if SHE was in it and 2) proceeded to ruin (yep, RUIN) the precious, short time I had with my dad over it.

Also, Seester and I bought her a gift. HER VERY OWN GIFT.

I don't think she has any right to complain about my dad's gift OR to be pissed that SHE didn't make it into a book of photos of MY family's year. Photos of MY children, documenting how we spent OUR year.

However, I could care less if she's mad at me. What really eats at me is that she has my dad mad too. And he's being a jerk to my grandma for "waffling" her viewpoint after listening to what I had to say. See? Loaded.

Nothing is at all about what we are arguing over. It's all about deeper, hidden issues. It becomes a stupid, multi-layered web of hurt feelings and perceived wrong-doings and he said/she said and BLAH DE FUCKING BLAH.

In the end? I want my dad to believe me. To see my intentions for what they were: good. Instead, he has a girlfriend that has decided to attack my character and thus, I am dragged into a mess I don't want any part of.

It was just a gift. That I spent hours making. For my father.


Just, fuck.

Family of Origin conflicts... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.



Anonymous said...

Oh honey. I'm guessing that you're feeling your dad has apparently chosen Girlfriend over you. You who have years of history with the man. You who are his flesh and blood. & that just hurts.

Girlfriend is just an evil, petty bitch. I don't know how else to describe a woman who feels competitive with her loved one's child.

I'm sorry.

GreenStyleMom said...

I wish I were one to have wise words.
**Big Huge Hug**

Sunny said...

Yeah- Family Drama I can relate to sweetie......

Don't sweat it...you made a sweet, thoughtful gift for your father that had nothing to DO with his GF- and if he chooses to let her screw up something so wonderful- so be it. YOU be the bigger person and just let it go. She's only his GF and may or MAY NOT be around later-.....you, on the other hand, will ALWAYS be his daughter.

On a lighter note- All this time I've been reading your blog..&..I JUST got the Seester deal.
OMG- am I REALLY that BLOND????
(The answer is- yes.I.AM.)

Lurking seester said...

I will have to call you to get the details about your convo with Grandma.. I haven't talked to Dad at all yet since Christmas.. have you? Try not to let Pyscho Step Mommy get to you.. She crazy!

Tess said...

Oh, I'm so so sorry. You're right about the Family of Origin stuff. I spend about 75% of my time at "home" utterly miserable, and then when I get back to TX I feel bad about it. Bah.

d e v a n said...

Oh man, she sounds like a real gem. Sheesh.
You did something nice for your dad and she can just suck it. I wouldn't apologize either.

Erin said...

Oh honey. And you worked so effing HARD on those albums! I feel so sad for you, because it is not fair. You are absolutely right. And it SUCKS because on top of it all, it is SUCH a thoughtful gift that took so much effort (which you WANTED to do because you CARE, etc. etc.).

I'm so sorry.

Swistle said...

Oh, I HATE this. Because I totally agree with you. And I think your dad should not be siding against you. And so I hate the whole thing and wish I could do a little bitch-slappin' to make it better.

shruley said...

All I can say is AMEN! FoO suck!!! My life would be so much happier without having to deal with any of it...the anger, the guilt, the neverending frustration. So sorry you're having a hard time, but I'm right there with ya!!!