Funk

I can't pull out of it.

I'm grouchy and depressed and my worst-mommy-side is showing. I've screeched at my poor little girls waaaaaayyyyyy too much, and they don't deserve it, and I want to explain to them, but I don't know what to explain. So I'll say I'm sorry.

There are ants. We don't know why, or where they are coming from, or what exactly they are eating. But they've taken over a portion of my kitchen. They make me feel gross.

There is much to do, just to keep my head above water. By the time I make the beds, clear the table, put the baby down for a nap, shower, do the dishes, pick up all the tiny (chokable) toys the big kids have drug out, get everyone dressed, do everyone's hair, make a snack, clean up more dishes, kill a bizillion more ants....Well, after I do all that, there are more toys out, more dishes to do, lunch to make, more messes to clean, butts to wipe, diaper pails to empty. You see where I'm going right? How is it possible that ALL of my energy and efforts go into keeping everyone and everything CLEAN, and this place is still a dump???? I do have standards, and they've been lowered a few times during this parenthood gig. I'm afraid if I lower them anymore because... well, I'm just afraid to lower them anymore.

I have to work tonight for the first time in ages (b/c we were on vacation, then the holiday Monday, etc.), so maybe that's just what I need.

Gaaaa.